I would never tempt fate with irony too delicious to pass up.
For example, I would never try to raise money for drowning prevention programs by swimming the San Francisco bay, or money for burn victims by setting myself on fire, or money for PETA by dowsing myself in bacon grease and sticking my head into a lion’s mouth.
Well maybe the last one, ‘cause PETA makes a damned fine pair of sandals.
But I would tempt the fates by engaging in a three-day self-improvement plan. Because self-improvement that takes longer than a week offends fate with its oxymoronity. Tomorrow, I will begin a weight loss program.
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The season of inspiring the top 25% of Americans upon us, I have this to say to those legions of semi-renowned glitterati whose commencement fees did not but barely break the speaker’s fee budgets across campuses nationwide: Find your own humility.
Find your own passion, learn from your own mistakes, overcome your own goddamned adversity, honor your own heroes, and for Christ’s sake, LEAVE YOUR BOILERPLATES AT HOME NEXT YEAR.
Although who am I criticizing? My one creative goal in life is to be respected as a blog writer.
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And, of course, to indulge in the occasional stick figure porn.