The Vay Ve Vere

knowing that you've been bad
is one of the worst feelings i ever had
knowing that you've been bad
did it mean much to you?
i thought i knew you
now i wish i had

Alex invited a friend over from work. She and her husband made the long trek out to where we live in the woods, out on Clear Lake. She was nice, very friendly, very cute. Halfway through the evening, all of us full of Cuervo, she started giving me the stare. I, of course, being the geek that I am, could barely contain myself from doing that whole point-at-yourself-and-mouth-the-words, ‘Who, me?’.

* * *

Over the weekend, I had a dream that I was fooling around with someone from my blogroll (I don’t know who, specifically, all I know is that they were on my blogroll. I couldn’t actually see a face, just a windstorm of hair and flying undergarments. It could have been Scott, for all I know…). In any case, the dream world started carrying over into the real world, and I started, um, harassing Alex, my reptilian brain pretty much taking control.

However, I bore just enough consciousness to know that I shouldn’t be messing around, so when Alex woke up and started to reciprocate, I, of course, confused by my dream, thought that I was with someone from my blogroll. So I held off, pushed her away, and turned around.

* * *

When Alex’s friend left, I told Alex about making eyes at her friend.

“They won’t be married much longer,” I said.

“Da, I know. She likes somebody who works at the store,” was her answer.

“Really? That’s awful!”

“Vy? Because they have a kid?”

“No! Because I thought she liked ME! I hate to be led on, you know.”

* * *

In the morning, I told Alex that the reason I didn’t follow through with my harassment from the night before was because I thought I was with someone from my blogroll, and that I was doing my best to be faithful. Apparently, however, I kept her up most of the night, my reptilian brain not giving up so easily. The dark side of the force is not only powerful, but it also has endurance like a marathoner.

Looking at her bloodshot eyes and messed up hair, I asked, “Aren’t you proud of me, though? Being faithful is hard work, you know.”

She shook her head. “Dees eez just vrong, on so many levels. I theenk you need to queet your vlog.”

* * *

“She left him.”

“Really?”

“Da. She slept vith boy from store, and told him. She’s going back to Texas dees summer.”

“And to think, that could have been me.”

“Vut could have been you?”

“You know. The boy from the store. That could have been me.”

“But you don’t vork at store.”

“NO! I mean metaphorically.”

“?”

“That could have been me that she SLEPT with!”

“Vlah-ha-ha-ha-ha-”

“Okay, that’s enough.”

“-ha-ha-ha-ha-”

“I get it, already.”

“-ha-ha-ha-ha-”

“OKAY, KNOCK IT OFF, VOMAN!”