Latter Day Saints

I don't do drugs, because they're expensive, but if I did I imagine it would be like this:

My friend would call me on the telephone and say, 'Come over! I got drugs!'

And I’d be like, 'Drugs? You mean like drugs? I'll be right over!'

And when I’d get there, he'd be like, ‘Eat this Starburst. The drugs is in there!’

And I’d unwrap the Yellow one, and eat it, and I’d be like, 'Mmmm! Drugs tastes like candy! No wonder it's such a problem!'

And my friend would say, 'No, silly! Eat the wrapper!'

And I’d be like, 'The wrapper?' And I’d eat the wrapper, and I’d be like 'I don't feel anything!'

And my friend would find this very funny and laugh and laugh and laugh.

And then I’d get it, and I’d laugh, too. And laugh and laugh and laugh.

And after ten minutes of laughing, I’d be like, 'Why is that so funny?' and I’d laugh and laugh and laugh.

And I would ask, ‘Why do the muscles in my face hurt so bad?’ And my friend would laugh, and grape soda would come through his nose, and I’d look around the room, and say, 'But I don't see any grape soda!' And I would laugh and laugh and laugh.

And then I would ask, 'Seriously, all my muscles hurt and they're twitching!'

And he would say, ‘These drugs has strychnine!'

And I would say, 'But that's a poison! Drugs is poison! We should warn people!'

And we would laugh and laugh and laugh.

And then he would say, ‘My muscles are really twitching, too! We should lift weights!’

And I would start doing pushups, and after 25 pushups I would say, 'If someone walks past the window, they will see you watching me do pushups!'

And more grape soda would come out his nose.

20 hours later I would say, ‘Why won't it stop?’

And he would say, 'I don't know!' And we would laugh and laugh and laugh....