Whiskey Boy

Nowhere man
And the whiskey girl
Nowhere man and
The whiskey girl
They loaded up for
A weekend in the underworld

Gillian Welch, This Week’s Guest on Prairie Home Companion (I know!)

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve been fascinated with Blogebrity since it came out. I understand why people hate this sort of thing. I don’t disagree that it's nothing more than an incestuous circle of cliquishness. But don't you see? Incest implies sex, and I'll be honest with you. Having sex is ALL I ever wanted. Even if it's with my brothers and sisters of the Internest.

And really, all you guys who have fantasized about being the deli meat in a twin-sister sandwich, that’s a kind of incest, too. If you think about it. And I’ve thought about it. I’ll be honest with you. Successfully deconstructing beer commercials is ALL I ever wanted.

Newsweek wrote about a day when bloggers and other Internest personalities get so famous, regular people recognize them from their Web site photos, sidle up to them in bars and buy them a drink. Look, I'll be honest with you. Having strangers sidle me and buy me drinks is ALL I've ever wanted.

And really, the only reason I’m allowing myself a bit of navel gazing is because I owe Amanda something like $50 because I’m constantly putting myself down. I don't know why that is /*cough*dadhatedme*cough* exactly, but ever since childhood, I've had a certain self-effacement thing going on. But it also has to do with the fact that I really do suck. And not even in the dork-is-the-new-geek vein of suckage. I honestly do ignoramous shit. I have produced piles of the stuff. One time, I made a homeless joke to a girl whose father is a homeless schizophrenic. "Wow, that's crazy," was my apology line.

When I graduated from college, my mom sent me a bottle of Dom Perignon. Alex and I drank it with a Little Caesar’s pizza that came as an incentive coupon for the apartment we were renting. If I had friends, they would tell you, ‘Yeah, Amanda, let him keep the money. He’s a moron.’ And I’ll be honest with you…

* NON-SEQUITUR ALERT *

…having Internest sex with people who buy me drinks is ALL I ever wanted.

So for this holiday weekend, do like the Woebegone guy says. Be well, do good work and keep touching me. When we meet, buy me a drink. Make it a house tequila. Join my incestuous love festivities. It’s really ALL I ever wanted.