a shared appreciation of dollar sushi is not enough upon which to build a lasting friendship, not NEARLY, and growing older teaches you these hard lessons, and the list of common passions that can bridge any friendly divide grows smaller with each passing fad. if she likes talk like a pirate day, friendship pins AND baroque music, then we are DESTINED to be bosom friends forever and ever, you think. almost. a lot of awful people like pirates. for instance.
these foundations are so easily chipped and cracked, and more often than not for me, the death knell is a poorly received joke.
Ow! I need a new office chair!
Why?
Because mine is a weapon of ass destruction.
Huh?
YOU SAID YOU LIKED SUDOKU!
but sometimes it is just flat out over.
i have learned to convince myself that this is not necessarily a bad thing. i have little choice. i am an expert in bringing friendships to a close. i have absolutely no concern that a high school or college friend will stumble upon my writing. that is because I HAVE NO FRIENDS remaining prior to 2001. i burn through the motherfuckers at an eighty-six percent efficiency.
in the next couple of weeks i will be seeing several people that i would never refer to as friends for this very reason. business associates, shall we call them.
still, when you share an appreciation for pabst blue ribbon, laser Pink Floyd, eye patches, ties, glow-in-the-dark tattoos, chocolate martinis, karaoke (SOMETIMES) and BLACK LIGHT PIRATE THEMED PARKING GARAGE MINI GOLF, there is hope.
i mean, even i couldn't 86 that.
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12 comments:
i have a hard time letting go of friends, particularly when it is obvious they have cut ties long ago.
perhaps this is why i am so fucking unhappy these days.
I have perfected being an acquaintance. It's easier that way. I don't worry about being friends.
Wow, that sounds really arrogant, I guess. "Perfected." Sheesh. No wonder I don't have any friends.
Here's my secret: Never say goodbye to anyone.
Hello, Brandon.
kat! i've got a new strategy which is to use code words for 'friends' because if i don't have something, then i can't lose it. i should submit my idea to lifehacker!
scott, alternately you can just never say 'hello.' oh, wait, well YOU can't because you're scott. hello, scott
BLACK LIGHT PIRATE THEMED PARKING GARAGE MINI GOLF exists? Sign me up! BFF, yo...
sweet.
i will pick you up at the portland airport. i hope you like adult beverages.
no worries, colleague. this will most certainly be a business meeting. ties will be worn, and calendars will be consulted.
agreed, jenny. we'll tackle our objectives with ruthless efficiency. and by 'tackle our objectives' I mean 'drink gin and tonics.'
aww, you two are the best, um, colleagues an associate could hope to have.
I'll be a business associate, too, dude.
There should be a required minimum amount of alcohol consumed by each colleague before any black-light pirate parking garage mini-golf can be played... otherwise, y'know, the pinball cutthroats may try to maintain their advantage through comparative sobriety. That may work in friendships, but it's a lousy company policy.
jill, i look forward to seeing the tie you pick out.
eclectic, as team-playing associate, i would like to offer to buy the required alcohol consumption rate of any colleague who cannot meet his/her quota. because that's how i do business.
You get +10 points for mentioning Lifehacker.
These points are not redeemable for booze.
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