nablopomo

nablopomo

Why am I feeling so goddamned listless this week?

Even worse follow ups to bad pick up lines:

1. Well, do you have any German in you?
2. And that purse would look equally great next to your dress on the floor next to my bed.
3. Well, if I said you had a pretty smile, would you hold it against me?
4. Yeah, I suppose the top of the steps is also a long fall from here.
5. And if your SMILE were a phaser, it would be set to widely beaming.
6. In that case, I would like a quarter to call your biological parents to thank them for giving you up for adoption to a family who obviously emphasized the importance of good grooming.
7. Oh. You want me to see if they might turn up the A/C?
8. No, I haven’t ever actually been to Jamaica.
9. Okay, does THIS rag smell like chloroform to you?
10. Uh, no, my friend doesn’t think I’m cute, either.

I’m only posting this sub-quality list because I don’t know if I’ll have Internet access tonight. I know that there are people dying in the world and families separated by conflict and there is too much hunger and poverty, and far too many of us have herpes, but if you could PLEASE take a moment out of your busy schedule and say a prayer that when I get home, I’ll be able to connect to the web, I’d be grateful. And don’t say one of those ‘little prayers.’ If you’re not going to go all out, on your knees with the potential for tears and barely vocal whispering that sounds vaguely of Latin, then I’d just as soon you not even bother.

For the record, I’ve said ‘Schnoodle Rot’ out loud today no fewer than 27 times. It’s cathartic.