False, and Grammatical Construction

caution

(started Sunday, 2:12 pm, finished 4:31 pm)

Notes:
Chiasmus
AB then BA
e.g., Willingly learned, then forgotten gladly

Treatment
Seems funny, we eagerly put in a window, and the first thing we did was to drape it, blocking out the view we desired so desperately. One of us, I won’t say which, sees a wall and wants to punch a hole through it with no expectations other than the subsequent breeze; the other, whom I won’t mention, likes to color those new vistas in rose and turmeric. This is how the house looks now.

I have yet to wake up one morning and exclaim, 'TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I AM IN IT,' though I have heard of the concept of contentedness. It's a hard word to spell out loud. The battery on my iPod/FM transmitter dies, and suddenly my airwaves are filled with a radio evangelist, though I do not know this at the time, because there is a period of about 20 seconds every time my mind tries to figure out if the voice is from NPR or God. They sound so very similar. I know the message he’s trying to get across, but I don’t let on. I was that boy in middle school. I’m that boy now.

Safety
I planned to put in a deck for two years before writing forced me to put those plans on hold. When the third contract came through, I acquiesced and brought on a contractor, a friend of a friend. It was never the money, but the control, the ability to put things in place so they would match up with my hopes, that served as the foundation of my reluctance. Those hopes changed one day while I was watching the boys working, just before they began to put the railings on. Stop, I said. The contractor told me that I would have to put on railings, that it wouldn’t pass code. And I thought, what a terrific way to ruin my tranquility: safety features. I love it like this, I said. This is how the house looks now.

The Father figure on the airwaves pauses and emphatically points out that every single person desires the same thing: happiness. And even though songwriters who stabbed themselves in the hearts once said the exact same thing, I cannot bring myself to nod in agreement. I’m not indifferent to my safety, I’m not being contrary, I just prefer a balanced approach. Balance means that whenever I stumble into bliss, I fully expect to come down off the mountain and suffer through the mire. Whenever the pillow is cold, I want the pistons to fire. I smile throughout the flight, in the taxi I caress the scratches I’ve acquired. I was that boy in middle school. I’m that boy now.

Expectations
I try not to allow my imagination be dampened by physical laws, though I fully expect physical laws to try my patience. I clear out a space on the northwestern-most spot on my property, suddenly visited by sunlight, due to recent clearcuts and a change in Earth’s orbit that I’ve no doubt will soon make headlines. I adorn the plot with old bricks and tiger ferns. I spend the entire summer envisioning a 20-foot Glory Bower, lifting the kids up to the lowest branches, rubbing the leaves for their peanut butter aroma. In the end, I realize that any tree I plant here will never achieve my expectations. So I leave it bare, landscaped, ready for planting. This is how the house looks now.

Waking up with someone next to you is more than just the attainment of a childhood fantasy, it is relief. It is finally being able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, ‘Now you can stop telling people that you were happier alone, because that sort of self-deception always made everyone uncomfortable.’ What a shame that I always knew what they were getting at, but could never bring myself to let on. I was that boy in middle school. I’m that boy now.