pseudoscorpion
Chapter 8 - Principle 4: Challenging the Food Police
When it comes to the so called Food Police, I suppose you could say I'm of the Ice-T school of thought. In short, I have little respect for the badge unless it's attached to a weapon, and then just replace the word respect with fear, and that's pretty much what I'm saying. What is respect, though, but fear? You respect someone because you are afraid they might leave you otherwise, or afraid they'll have their feelings hurt when you admit their ideas are nonsense, or fear they'll club you. Fear is no different from love. This is how A Better MeZ© (thanks, Lynn!) challenges the Food Police.
Moreover, I challenge the Food Police because I believe there should be no policing of foodstuffs. Food should be available to all. Food should be free. Most importantly, food should be exempt from regulation. People should be able to eat whatever they like in whatever quantities suit their fancies. Except for meat. People should stop eating animals. And they should eat healthy portions. And the FDA should check my fish for mercury/dolphin content. EXCEPT WHEN I CHOOSE TO EAT DOLPHIN. People should stop eating crack. Why don't the Food Police do something about that?
Telling your wife that you are on a mission to lose 1 1/2 pounds is like liberating a country that doesn't like you very much. You can agree to disagree, but really, you're holding all the bombs, and the other person isn't going to honestly tell you to go suck it, even if she knows it's for her own good. But she WILL undercook your Eggs Benedict and smile while you vomit all over the back deck.
Here are some other analogies to liberating a country that doesn't like you very much:
= rescuing a saltwater crocodile from its zoo enclosure
= handing out water balloons at a funeral
= any lesson that involves connecting a car battery to one's testes
= hiring a stripper for the Pope's birthday party
= falling in love with someone doesn’t love you back, and then donating a kidney to her alcoholic boyfriend
So, in essence, what I mean is that I was unable to lose 24 ounces (in three days) by reading (only the chapter headings) from “Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works.” This book, in fact, does not work (in three days). This book is a total waste of time (if followed for only three days). This book will actually cause you to GAIN weight (if followed for only three days while reading nothing more than the chapter headings).
And, yet, somehow, I feel like I’ve learned something new. What I've learned is that this book is a total waste of time (if followed for only three days), and that's gotta count for something. And I'll tell you what it counts for, it counts for A Better MeZ©.
For two years I’ve used this blog as a forum to tear myself down. I'm done with razing. It's time for raising. Let the rebuilding begin. Consider these words the cornerstone for the coming, giant erection.
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