Positive thinking. Oh, the power. To transport you from your ruts and valleys into erstwhile teens and twenties.
I do know this. I understand that by practice, you can attain perfection. Tell yourself enough times that you’re happy, and your bliss will blind oncoming traffic, leaving a wake of MVAs in your rearview.
Day 6 is illusion, and I feel Like God. Have created happiness. Tomorrow, I’ll rest. And ignore the little creatures I’ve left alone on the surface, who call out my name as they make each other unhappy, to please me. I’m not listening. I’m imagining perfection.
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4:45 a.m. (yes, THAT a.m.)
I keep reminding myself to speak positively (inner voice, only). I am funny. I am fast. I have a liver that was built to last. I am clever. I am hot. There ain’t a lot that I ain’t got. Ha! But after so many years of the self-deprecatory act, I’ve found that self-affirmation feels funny. Still, I choose to follow this regime to the end, and I need to be committed.
Noon
After 7 hours of affirmative thoughts, something strange has happened. I’m not any happier, but I feel really conceited, and it’s gotten to the point that I’m wondering where my entourage is. Aren’t people as hot as I am usually followed around by mindless groupies? I’m sure of it. When I say out loud that I need to make a phone call, I expect no fewer than seven extended hands each holding an available cell phone. With unlimited minutes. Must. Think. More. Positively.
12:15
I’m positive I would like some more jalapeno poppers.
3:00 p.m.
Why am I still working? I’m better than this. You know, work. I’m above mortal roles.
4:00 p.m.
Have stopped clicking on daily stream of sexual desire spam. I really don’t need that stuff. I’m potent, now. In fact, that should be my new web URL : www.impotentnow.com
9:30 p.m.
Positive thinking only REALLY works when everyone else participates. What good does it do me to keep telling myself how hot I am if not one person will expose their garanimals to me? This happiness regime is evil.
11:00 p.m.
I am half-asleep at my desk, the alcohol so much more potent now that I’ve gone a day without. I remember positivity, and how it paves the path to heaven, and how heaven surprises. It’s a hotel in a walled city, and each day brings new adventure and exploration, and the exploration of each other dwarfs the miles of undiscovered paths outside. We explore each other in this heaven, this positive perfection, not realizing that heaven has its faults. When you die, you say farewell to sleep as you once knew it. There is no rest here, just fitful periods of inactivity in the dark, where you experience the highs and lows of change in temperature and humidity while you wait for light to peek through the curtains. And begin your day again. There is good here, and what is good is wonderful. My positive thoughts transport me to this place with you.
Results:
For Day Six, I Practiced Positive Thinking.
Do I feel a little happier?
I feel tired.
Tomorrow:
Invest time and energy into friendships and family.