The Old Me
Reads the entire book even if the first 150 dreadful pages* feels like that time I rubbed turpentine into my eyes
*synecdoche
Hopes for happy ending.
The New Me
1979
-Edge!
My little sister stomps her feet,
-You had the edge coming here!
-EDGE!
-That’s the rule, sweetie. Whoever calls the edge first gets to sit in front.
-You always liked him more!
-I love you both the same.
/smiles while sister cries in the back seat.
/feels horribly guilty 27 years later.
The New Me
Gives muted* feedback in order to spare feelings.
*dishonest
Happy ending assured.
The Old Me
January 9, 2006
-So how would you describe my personality.
-Well, I guess you’re fairly pessimistic. You go through long stretches of moodiness. I mean, it’s not your fault, or anything.
/she cries at foot of bed
/feels horribly guilty 27 hours later
The Old Me
1992
I am like her favorite pair of poorly fitting shoes. I make her look good*, but leave her unable to bear any weight on her feet at the end of the day. She still can’t bring herself to throw me out.
*really good
The New Me
I am my own worst pair of shoes.