Memes Come Here to Die

Mainja tagged me with a meme, hoping that I would kill it, and I aim to do so.

Two Names You Go By --
You know, it’s funny, I always wanted a nickname, but not having any weird physical characteristics, a birth name with obvious alliterative qualities, or an unfortunate childhood accident, I really never had a chance to be called anything but my first name. Even my son calls me Brandon. And you just cannot give yourself a nickname, it’s just not done. Even if you ‘accidentally’ leave the last letter off your name in an email once. That would be pathetic.

Two Parts of Your Heritage --
My mother is Mexican, and I was the first person in our family whose language was English. That’s because my biological father was whatever heritage owns the name ‘Rogers.’ I haven’t looked it up. That’s because he was a drunk, abusive, wife-beating cocksucker. So I’m half-mexican, half-sonofabitch.

Two Things That Scare You –
The only thing that scares me is something happening to my wife or kids. There is absolutely nothing else in this world that frightens me. Oh, well besides getting tickled. That affears me.

Two of Your Everyday Essentials –
1. Flossing. Really, I cannot go to bed without flossing. I won’t fall asleep. I keep floss in my wallet. If forced, I would weave floss from dried milkweed if no floss were available.
2. Floss.

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now --
1. Scrubs (when Tristan was born, the doctor gave me scrubs. The scrub pants have been my pajamas for the last 7 years. They're in pretty rough shape. I look like a homeless doctor.)
2. Glasses. I look likean educated homeless doctor.

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment) --
Well,it's funny, the other day I was listening to a radioblogclub.com station to Leslie Feist, and Kanye West came on. I'll be honest, I had never listened to Kanye West before. I hope people don't take this the wrong way, but KANYE WEST HATES WHITE PEOPLE.

The reason I say this was because Gold Digger was playing, and I was all like, 'Wow! This is catchy!' And there's nothing better than singing along to a good song. BUT KANYE WEST KNOW THAT I CAN'T SING ALONG! That's because a very naughty word plays a key role in the refrain. It rhymes with Gold Digger.

One of these days I'm gonna just blurt it out, totally by accident, I know, which is like every white person's worst horror come true. I will be horrified. But it's so damned catchy. Kanye West obviously is out to get me.

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) --
Forgiveness
Forgetfulness

Two Truths --
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
The world is round, but Kansas is still flat.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You --
The suprasternal notch
Elfen ears

Two of Your Favorite Hobbits --
I liked Samwise Gamgee and Meriadoc Brandybuck.

Two Things You Want Really Badly --
To kill this meme, once and for all.
A veggie burger.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation --
Here and here.

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die --
Slam a fifth of whiskey.
Find my keys.

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Guy --
1. I like to poke things with sticks.
2. I've never been fitted for an IUD.

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit --
I don't like jazz.
I rarely vote.

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now --
That I'm not going to finish this meme. In fact, I'm just going to kill it now. I hope it suffered as much as I did.

Two People You Plan on Tagging Next:
Memes come here to die.