Virgin Entry

I have to admit, I’m in love with the Virgin Post. When I visit a blog for the first time, I head right to the archives, to that very first, er, entry.

They typically come across a little awkward, a little unsure, a little tentative. For example,

well, you gotta start some place. i have no idea what i'll be posting here. i only know that i've had lots of thoughts about lots of things lately, and am in dire need of an outlet.

Then, they have that first feeling of technological awe, which they promptly share with the rest of the world:

Well, I guess this works. Pretty cool actually. Took some time to get the template built correctly.

And, suddenly, they foreshadow a little of what’s to come:

As with most blogs, this too will contain lists, rants, silliness and shouts from the pulpit. I will be trying daily to expose a little more of myself (ahem) and hopefully I will receive some feedback on my ideas and writing.

I really wish someone would just write a book already called ‘Famous First Words: 100 Virgin (Blog) Entries.’ And it would only be really cool if you had to guess which A list bloggers wrote those inaugural posts.

My own first attempts at blogging (I think) were without any blogging software, so I don’t have accurate dates. In essence, I have ‘lost’ my first post.

Which got me to thinking. What if you could go back and re-live your first sexual experience? You’d do it differently, right? There’d no doubt be a whole lot fewer Excuse me’s and I’m sorry’s and Oh, God, I’m REALLY sorry’s! and Was that supposed to happen’s? and a whole lot more So that’s why the world’s overpopulated’s! and Oh, God! I’m blind in my right eye’s!.

So, with my preternatural ability to f*ck with the past, I have decided to go back and rectify the virgin.

Here it is. My re-created Virgin Entry.

November 1, 2004

Well, here goes. I don't know what I'm doing, but since everyone else is doing it, it must be fun. So, let’s see, you just, er, push a few buttons here and…Oh, God! I’m sooo sorry! I’m REALLY sorry! This has never happened before! What do you mean you think this is my first time? I’ll have you know I’ve blogged plenty! How many? PLENTY! That’s how many! And I…

Okay, well that was funny for all of 2 seconds.

So, I guess I’ll, uh, use this site to put my lists, rants, silliness and shouts from the pulpit. I will be trying daily to expose a little more of myself (ahem) and hopefully I will receive some feedback on my ideas and writing.

Okay, right. But here are ten things I will never do (except for number 5 which I will always do). Maybe I should start there.

1. I will never share with the world my love for Journey.
2. I will never do a meme.
3. I will never post a personal photo that has me looking like a public service ad for ‘Herpes Can Happen to Anyone.’
4. I will not allow my blogroll to exceed 10 people.
5. I will always reply personally to each and every comment.
6. I will never post about my emotions.
7. I will never reduce this site to base posts about diddling.
8. I will not meet up with other bloggers.
9. I will never ask people to send me photos of their boobies.
10. I will not hide other peoples’ hyperlinks within my posts in a sad attempt to get them to notice me on Technorati.

Well that’s it then. Was it good for you? Cause it was just so-so for me. In fact, I can’t imagine that I’ll ever post more than once a month or so. This is going to totally blow. Can you believe people actually get so obsessed with this that they post during work? Please.