Father Timing

I was working on a post that recalled some of the more difficult experiences I went through with my mother and step-father, including one where he laid a pretty good smack-down on me, that had it not been 27 below in Watertown, New York during February, would have almost assuredly led to me running away. (My younger sister would successfully run away 2 years later under much more favorable climate conditions).

But as I’m getting to the good part, and when I mean ‘good,’ I mean the part where I assume the happy place curl, the phone rings.

It’s the local pastor.

“Brandon, as you know, Sunday is Father’s Day, and I’m asking all the children of members of the congregation to write a letter that I can read out loud to them.”

Silence.

“Uh, hello?”

“Look, uh, I…” I’m about to say that maybe I’m not the best person to write this letter, but then I imagine all the fathers in the pews having letters read to them from adoring children, save one, and my heart breaks. “Uh, sure.”

“Great, just write a letter explaining why you think God gave you a father.”

Oh, boy.

The thing is, several years after I left home, we had a kind of reconciliation. Alex and I moved out here to be near them (They are only a mile up the road). And they’ve both turned out to be very loving and involved grandparents. They’ve not laid a hand on my kids, he keeps me full of alcohol and I haven’t felt the need for counseling or setting fire to injured animals.

But still…

It was such a good post. Pastors out here have the worst f*cking timing in the whole world.

Father’s Day. You’ve got to be kidding me.

I might post the letter I sent to the pastor, but being as I’m full of tekilla, having just written it, I imagine it might contain some blasphemies. In fact, I’m not sure, but I think my blog has developed a boil. Perhaps it will be a pillar of salt when I wake in the morning.

Then all I’ll need is some lime and Cuervo, and I might get through the next four days.

Of course, I could always write about my biological father…

This post brought to you by remorse.