Movie Report

So, I went out and watched Revenge of the Sith over the weekend. I went in, of course, fully aware of the numerous holes that people have pointed out to me. Here is my take.

Things I didn’t have trouble believing.

1. Anakin turns so easily to the dark side. Many people have argued that Anakin’s fall seemed to happen too easily, but I thought it was pretty believable. When my dad proposed marriage to my mom, he was a kind, loving, charming, talented individual, surrounded by love, adored by his parents. And then he just started beating the crap out of us out of the blue. It happens.
2. Anakin kills the younglings. Another complaint about the movie concerns the scene where Anakin, now the newly minted Darth Vader, destroys all the young Jedi children. Again, I found this to be highly believable. One time, Tristan called out from his window to the neighbor, ‘My dad thinks you’re a witch,’ and I damn near strangled him. Younglings can and do drive otherwise rational men to madness.
3. Padme appears pregnant in the coffin, but never appeared pregnant in real life. Furthermore, she gives birth just a few days after finding out she’s pregnant. I believed this more than just about anything else in the movie. First of all, pregnancy does strange things to a woman. Secondly, if you think giving birth restores your body immediately to your pre-pregnancy figure, think again. It takes years. Sometimes decades. Some women go on appearing 9 months pregnant for the rest of their lives. I’ve seen it.

Things I had trouble believing.

1. Light speed. I still don’t think it’s possible. I mean, I can suspend my belief about a lot of things, but light speed transportation ain’t one of ‘em. Warp speed, maybe. Light speed, pffft.
2. The armor. Okay, why the hell do the clone troopers even wear armor? It never stops anything. The Ewoks were killing storm troopers with rocks, for god sakes. Why don’t they just make armor out of that light saber material? The shots would just bounce right off. Of course, you’d cut off your own arm if you tried to high-five a buddy after a good day of killing droids, but then you could just get a new, more powerful robotic arm.
3. The hair. Wow, did you see Hayden’s do? I haven’t seen a mane that thick and lustrous since Richard Marx wrapped up his career with Rush Street. I’m guessing this is why Star Wars, Episode IV is called ‘A New Hope.’ Unfortunately, everyone got haircuts by the time Empire Strikes Back rolls around. Pity. No series of films ever had better hair than Star Wars.