Something about Capistrano

Yesterday, Alex’s mom received great news. She was awarded a visa to the United States. Alex’s plans of transporting her entire family to America are nearly complete. On March 13, her mother will move in with us. A vampire-themed sitcom pilot is in the works.

To recap:

October 1994: Alex lures me to the Oana household with her older sister, Cristina. We begin dating.

November 1994: I decide to spend a month in Istanbul to get my head on straight and relive the Midnight Express experience. Alex plots her takeover.

December 1994: The second Romanian Christmas revolution in five years takes place as Alex overthrows her sister for control of my heart. It is a bloodless, though not entirely painless, revolt.

January 1995: After two weeks of her guile, I am forced to concede defeat. I propose to her. She accepts, feigning surprise.

March 1995: Alex completes stage one of her plan, Operation Romanian Freedom: Wedding Accomplished.

June 1995: I bring Alex back with me to Missouri, paying additional duty as she is so gdamned tall and won’t fit in the overhead. She is unwilling to take either her ‘bat’ or ‘wolf’ form so that I might get the cheaper ‘pet’ airfare. My attempt to threaten her with a cross and holy water backfire as they burn the shit out of me instead. These are ominous signs, indeed.

September 1996: Stage Two of Operation Romanian Freedom: ‘Vut About Seester, You Bastard!’ begins, as Cristina is awarded visa and comes to live with us in our South Carolina tenement for six months.

October 1998: Cristina receives second visa and comes to live with us in Hays, Kansas. I am helpless to resist as I am taking care of the first of our child-spawn.

June 1999: Pitchforks in hand, the jittery townsfolk of Hays drive the Vampire family from their home. We all pile into a U-Haul and drive to my parents’ home in the Puget Sound.

July 2000: Cristina seduces local rube, marries and receives her Green Card. She shacks up with her helpless victim in our very own neighborhood.

February 2005: Alex’s last surviving relative in Sibiu receives visa. On March 1, Alex and Cristina will fly to Romania to retrieve the matron and her belongings, giving me what will apparently be the final two weeks of my life in solitude.

March 13 2005: Operation Romanian Freedom complete. Alex’s mom will be moving in. Yelm now takes on the mantle of town with highest density of Transylvanians in nation.