Doing Number Three

I need some advice.

Okay, let’s say you’re me. You’re shy. But you love you some liquor. You have a small bladder. Wait! You have no bladder. It just runs through you. So you have to go. Frequently.

Okay, now, stay with me. You’re at a restaurant in Manhattan with two very, very attractive women. In fact, the second one is so attractive (let’s call her Lene) that you have to drink double time, because it’s easier to look at her when she’s blurry.

Still with me?

While the two attractive women are talking, you get up to use the bathroom. Do you interrupt their pleasant conversation to tell them you’re going to tinkle?

I DIDN’T THINK SO!

So, when I got back, how come the two very attractive women are looking at me in horror?

1st Attractive Woman: Where did you go?

Lene: *just sits there looking attractive*

Me: I just went…*mumbles indistinctly*

1st Attractive Woman: You just went where?

Me: WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!

Lene: We just wondered where you went.

Me: I went to the men’s room! Where did you think I went? Where could I have possibly gone?

1st Attractive Woman: You might have just left us.

Me: WHO DOES THAT?!?

Lene: Well, we don’t know you that well…

1st Attractive Woman: You could have at least given us a signal. *holds up hand with one finger*

Lene: Or maybe even *holds up hand with two fingers*

Me: WHO DOES THAT!?!

1st Attractive Woman: Well, anyway, you have to say something. You don’t just get up and leave…


Two lemon drops later.


Me: *gets up to leave*

1st Attractive Woman: *looks at me questioningly*

Lene: *not yet blurry enough*

Me: *holds up hand. with three fingers. winks at Lene*

1st Attractive Woman: Well what does that mean?


(eeg! almost forgot the appropriate 80s lyrics!)

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you