Me. Trying to charm a prostitute after a day of drinking. Smooth.
Let go your heart,
Leg go your head,
Feel it now. -David Gray
Wednesday Night
The Las Vegas Luxor appears to be a pyramid shaped hotel, but in reality, it's just a hollowed-out parking garage. After blowing $60 at the blackjack tables, we wandered through the maze of slot machines. There's one for 'Wheel of Fortune.' There's another for Marlo Thomas of 'That Girl.' A couple of attractive, suggestively dressed women sat at another, absent mindedly dropping dimes into the slots. One made eye contact and waved. I waved back.
(Skip ahead to Sunday. Me at home talking about my weekend in Vegas with my wife.
My Wife: “Deed you have good time?”
Me: “What do you mean by good time?”)
We kept walking, but soon enough I bumped into the woman who had waved at me from the slots. She came up to me and said, 'Hi.'
'How you doin'?' I asked. (Yes, I sounded vaguely Italo-American).
'Good. How are you doing?'
'Good. How you doin'?' I asked again, because I'm an idiot.
'Errr. Good. What are you up to tonight?'
I tried to play it cool, but honestly, I don't know a goddamn thing about gambling. I looked down at my hand. I was holding a print-out ticket of my winnings: $2.35 from $10 worth of slots. Ooooh. That should impress her.
I shoved the ticket in my pocket and said, 'Uhh, you know, just, uh, playing the tables. A little Keno (Christ), uh, a few craps (?) and, uh, some Texas Hold'em.' She looked over to the Texas Hold'em section. It hadn't yet opened for the evening.
'So how you doin'?' I was starting to sweat, but it could have been the liter of vodka I'd already drunk by now.
'Where are you from?' she asked, skillfully feinting my third 'how you doin'.'
'Uh, he's from Portland,' I pointed to my friend. 'I'm from Seattle.'
'Oh, really? I'm from Bellevue!'
Finally, I thought, I could stop talking about gambling, and start discussing something I'm really good at: geography. That should impress her.
'Really? Big difference between there and here! What brings you to Vegas?'
'Oh, I just moved down here with my girlfriend, just looking for some fun!' she said. 'Would you like to have some fun with me?' her head tilted playfully to the right as she said this, her hands started moving slowly down her sides.
Naive as I am, I should have known long before this point that she was a prostitute. I panicked.
'Er, uh, well, I, well, yes, I would like to have fun with you. You look fun. But, er, oh boy. Are you going to be around this week?'
'Yes!'
'Well, maybe I'll see you around? Bye!'
'Sure!'
(On Sunday with wife.
Me: See? I still got it.
Her: She vuz whore.
Me: Well, yeah, but she could have offered her business to anybody. And she picked me! You're very lucky to have me!
Her: Da. I have beeg spender for husband. Vomen just love man who play Keno...
Me: Keno's really hard!)
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