i'm pretty sure this has something to do with payback
Do you remember that time you did something really BAD and you said out loud, “I CAN'T BELIEVE THE THINGS I GET AWAY WITH!” but secretly you thought, “oh dear god paying this back is going to be bitch+++ would not buy again.”? I am running down that very list of BAD (I write them all down in a journal covered with sparkly flowers) wondering which one or combination of ones is punishing me by canceling my TequilaCon ambitions.
I bet it was the time when I was 5 and I grabbed that cecropia moth and when I opened my god-forsaken hands it was just a pile of dusty scales. Or I bet it was when I was 15 and I broke into that house for rent with some friends and I am pretty sure it was me who forgot to turn off the sink. Or that time when I was 25 and I lied about my experience with 'SUPERVISING OTHERS,' and spent the whole first month on the job wondering why all these people were asking me to sign their time sheets. Or that time when I was 35 and well you get the idea.
It is no fun making people you love say WHY, OH WHY! and it is even more no fun to have to deal with the aftermath completely sober. And it is three times as much even more no fun paying up your karma debt by missing out on the greatest blogger meetup in history.
The worst part is that even though I would be no fun at the actual event (SEE: PREVIOUS 100 POSTS WHERE I GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW I HAVE STOPPED DRINKING), sobriety has added a certain glow to my face and hair that has the other parents at after-school gymnastics asking 'WHICH KID IS YOURS? HMM?!?' and I so wanted to shower the world with that glow.
18 comments:
I endured months of painful rehab teaching myself how to walk again after that horrible accident involving the iron lung and the flamethrower just so I could walk up and shake your hand at TequilaKAAAAHHHHN!, and now....this.
I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is that there's no Santa Claus.
if only there WERE a santa claus, i wouldn'a had to write this post.
i will be sending representatives with shakeable hands.
You're not going? Fabulous! That means I can go this year! The only reason I haven't gone in years past is I was afraid you'd hit on me all night.
I say again, my dear friend, ::le sigh.::
But if you think that your absence means you will be able to avoid being photographed in compromising positions, think again. I am making life-sized laminated cut-outs of you, and trust me when I say that these cut-outs will be put in far more compromising positions than even your pre-sobriety self ever would have allowed.
Now how to get those through airport security...
me = sad
i don't know about 'all night'. my lists were pretty big. but yeah, that's probably as good a reason as any not to have gone.
of course, i've changed now! i swear it!
jenny, i am feeling about this big (pinches fingers together tightly with both hands) and very very sorry and miserable.
make sure my cut out is pictured crying in all those compromised positions. waah!
I am do despondent I am going to cut off all my curls. Dang.
I will set up an candle-lit altar for you at TequilaCon in the corner of the North Bowl where bloggers can come and pay their respects. And pee, if they have to.
oooh, here you are!
i've missed you. and, you know apparently i'll become your faithful blog stalker.
i vote we come up with something in addition to tequilacon that takes place in ontario, or quebec, or hell, new york. we'll call it smoothiecon. then those who would like 'virgin' smoothies can have said virgins, er, smoothies, and those who want booze can add vodka or something.
and the best part?!? the best part is i'd actually be able to come!!!!
vahid, that comment is why you are a better tcon version of me than anyone could ever hope for. become what you were always meant to be!
hi mainja! i like your idea! if i am not kicked off the committee, i will pass it on!
Please tell me you are joking.
Even though this is totally not funny.
Dude, I've been sober for over 12 years and this news just might make me start drinking again.
You really should show up.
*sobs*
And here I thought spending the night in the emergency room in agonizing pain with kidney stones would be the worst thing to happen this week.
:-(
sarah, i wish i were joking! i was looking forward to the first ever tcon where i might actually remember 25% of what happened the night before!
dave, ah, having been through that myself, i can tell you that i would gladly go through it again if I could make it to philly.
I knew I sensed a disturbance in the Force. And here I was all excited to post my official "I made Priceline my bitch and now I'm coming to TequilaCon!!!" entry. That post will be be bittersweet at best.
A thousand curls I would shorn if it meant you could come.
Billy got a kick out of the fact that one of the original founders of TequilaCon isn't coming because his sobriety actually means something to him.
Honestly? Good for you. TC is just a bunch of drunken fools who are so hungry for attention they not only cause a public scene in a bowling alley with their life-sized orgiastic cutouts but then go through the time and effort of making sure everyone on the internet is aware of their insanity.
We'll be sure to light a candle for you. Or at least we'll light our farts.
That seals it. I'm not going this time.
Hello, Brandon.
dustin, i want to come but it is just too hard! TWSS
caitlin, you are making me hate sobriety and love it at the same time.
scott, but it won't be the same without you!
What?! You're not going? I cry foul!
I leave for a week and THIS happens... must I watch you people EVERY second?!
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