To be aware that you are slowly losing your mind as you are slowly losing your mind must be maddening, but only if you have tied your happiness to your sanity with a Gordian Knot. Otherwise, there is no reason for you to come undone, even in the face of cognitive collapse.
A bit of a reprieve from the slow march of dementia, the weather broke and suddenly there we were, all four of us, in for $10,000 each to fund the war in Iraq (I suppose I am good for it, but the kids haven't earned their shoe-factory papers, yet), but still insane enough to pop down the debit card for more bicycle equipment and give the finger to big oil.
I fully admit to letting my bike fall kick-stand first when I saw the stranger pointing two fancy monocles joined together in some odd fashion towards the top of a cone bearing tree.
Only bird watching could ever match alcohol for disinhibiting my social inhibitions. “WHATCHA SEE? HMM?”
“TWO CROSSBILLS! DO YOU WANT TO LOOK THROUGH MY BIRD GOGGLES?”
“DO I!”
And yes, I realized two things, 1. that crossbills do in fact nest along the bike path. And 2. THIS IS HOW I MUST APPEAR TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, losing your mind. But before I get to that, let me tell you about the 4 hours I spent on my last day of vacation taking close-up photographs of skunk cabbage.
* * *
Today, me and the boys hit the links and, what the hell, I thought, as long as I am giving up on everything new again, let's pull out my old clubs from college. They were the loneliest set of clubs across the whole of middle Missouri, and they were my only friends for how many years I am too ashamed to recount.
They were bitter that I had forgotten their contribution to my life for so long, and I was duly karma-lized until we got out of the rough on hole 8. I shot a 38 the last 9 holes, and realized, my god, I must be losing my mind to have neglected friends like these.
Me and my partner won the match, and the defeated party had to buy the first round. Two Bitburgers and a, “UM, WHAT'LL IT BE, BRANDON???”
“I think I'll have, uh let's see, waitress, do you have any diet coke..on tap?”
/groan
God. They won't even tell dirty jokes around me any more!
Later, Alex and I went back to that very same restaurant and sat at the very same table, and after she ordered her mocha-tini, I thought, to hell with it all. I'm having a drink.
And I did.
A goddamned club soda.
“DO YOU WANT A SIP OF MY MOCHA-TINI?”
“I think I just want to sit here very quietly for a moment.”
And then she pushed her drink aside and she put her hand on mine and she said, “I am so proud of you.”
It is day 32.
9 comments:
As imaginary as I am, I am too.
You rule.
And I agree, the penis is mightier.
my dog Sam used to roll in the skunk cabbage that grew in the wetland near my childhood home... when he returned we'd have to give him a bath.
amazing that something so pretty is so stinky.
you look very refreshed. do you feel that way?
peefer, i always heard that as long as someone loves you, you can never be imaginary...hey! where did everyone go!
scarlet hip, i see what you did there! you must be dick-lexic.
leezer, i feel like skunk cabbage looks.
Dammit, I can't even begrudge you the poor grammar. It isn't that I don't want to; it's just that I can't because you write too well with it -- perhaps because of it.
STOP that!! You're rendering my English degree worthless.
Pretty spectacular, homeboy. Very impressive, indeed.
Also impressive is the effortless 38 after having not played in awhile. I played at the college level a decade past and have since laid aside the clubs for the life of a starving graduate student. When I pick them up now for 18, I high-five myself after shooting 80. Enjoyment first, these days; competition is for the bird watchers.
Brandon:
Why did you stop drinking?
(I stopped about the same time as you did. I was a. gaining weight; b. not remembering my dreams; and c. explaining to my seven year old why Mommy drank every night).
Just curious. P.S. I'm down five pounds. Running a lot.
shari, your education is wasted here, yes, that is the truth.
sir, if i could just get the other bird watchers to play $2 Nassau, i just might break even.
leezer, i had a close call with the state patrol and thought it best to drive the speed limit from now on. but i have also realized that weight loss benefit, too, and running long distances isn't so hard anymore.
I am proud of you as well.
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