Well it is now a fortnight booze free with the main withdrawal effect being that I am incapable of being awake past 7:30 PM. Also, I have not hit on any co-workers during this time, but I am sure that's more correlation than causal (n=20).
Most importantly, the clarity has struck me like a meat plant (oxymoron?) explosion, and I have finally realized that I have a purpose in this life. I now know that the reason I was born upon this earth was to surf the internet. I'm not sure what I am looking for, but I am assuming that the journey is the destination. I wish you all could see it, the enlightenment of self-actualization. It is a benefit of being what I call a PERSON OF DESTINY. Today I read about tuataras and the great Mexican emo war. I also watched episodes 2-4 of Little Women on Youtube. What destiny fulfillment awaits me tomorrow? These are not questions for me to ask. I am simply here to carry out the will of fate.
While this new calling has certainly filled a void that was missing in my life, it has cut down somewhat on my productivity. Although technically, I am pretired. Which means that although I am still collecting a paycheck and benefits, really I have stopped working. The main problem with pretirement, as any pretiree will tell you, is combating boredom and the loss of all those free sandwiches and other goodies that some kind co-worker always seemed to leave lying around in the refrigerator, with funny little sticky notes saying things like, 'I LICKED THIS' and 'INSULIN.'
***
I cannot believe I am making such a big deal about this and I cannot believe that I am still too afraid to tell my wife why I am on the straight and narrow and I cannot believe that I have lost all interest in professional sports, most of all. Every day, I run through the woods looking for morels and owl pellets and pish-pish to see what I might scare up. I think about the stories and characters in my head, but when I get home I cannot bear to write down what is going on in their lives. It seems to be enough that they are living, and maybe they wouldn't appreciate the spotlight anyway, or god forbid endless literary analysis of the choices they have made.
Mostly, I cannot believe how eagerly I am anticipating spring, and returning to days of taking these children of mine out onto the lake, in search of trout and garter snakes and salmon berries, how eager I am to get home to see them, as though they have been returned to me upon a long absence afield. There is no way I am ever going to tell them where I've been.
6 comments:
Here's hoping that you find the pish-pish for which you've been looking. It is elusive, indeed.
Chord struck.
i was pishing for something new, like a white throated sparrow, but all i got was squirrels.
peefer, i have never doubted my musical aptitude. /strikes rock pose
a fortnight without booze is longer than I have gone without since...ahh, probably '02. I can't really remember now. Anyway, some advice? Watch our for Sibyl, she's a pusher. I was really going to come home after only one drink the other night, but dang if she didn't force me to drink more.
Damn, you make sobriety sound almost attractive. Luckily you mentioned the huge downside -- clarity -- and I'm reminded that just because the cool kids (read Brandon) jump off a bridge doesn't mean that I have to jump off a bridge.
vahid, i have a secret weapon to repel sibyl: ORANGE JUICE
mouse, yes, the clarity has been the most difficult of the side effects, but man you should experience the sheer power of a cup of mint tea and a tylenol PM. ugh.
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