Every now and then you have a dream involving an acquaintance and every now and then that acquaintance is a woman and every now and then acquaintances are sexually receptive to…anyway, you get the idea, but the point that I am trying to make is DO NOT ADMIT TO ACQUAINTANCES THAT THEY FIGURED PROMINENTLY IN YOUR SUBCONCIOUS HYPOTHETICALS PARTICULARLY IF THEY HAVE YOUR CELL NUMBER.
Um. The exception is if these acquaintances occasionally partake in that food group known by my grandmother as tequila and then, you know, MySpace rulez are in effect.
Jenny is hosting another TequilaCon this spring in the city of brotherly love (INCEST RULEZ!) and it is your annual opportunity to see us get drunk and try to make out with each other (shut up).
I am thinking that this year we should have seminars. I was reading some web site where this one guy tries to tell people who spend 95% of their free time on the internet how to pick up women and once I stopped laughing at the irony (which was several hours after I finished friending the last of my graduating college class whose screen names begin with the letters Be*) I blurted out, ‘Thanks for your opinion moderately attractive internet personality, but everyone knows the best way to meet women is to mind your own business and keep your office door closed with the lights off. Because then they won’t leave you alone.’
There are only two steps in my forthcoming guide titled How to Get the Girl of Your Dreams:
1. Go to sleep
2. Repeat step one
There used to be a third step that involved Nyquil, but then my doctor (backed up by the aforementioned internet) said, whatever you do, DO NOT MIX ALCOHOL AND ACETAMINOPHEN.
I just checked and the two active ingredients of Nyquil are ALCOHOL AND ACETAMINOPHEN.
That is pure cuervo gold.
PS – PHILADELPHIA, SATURDAY MAY 3rd
For those of you with guilty consciences, I have been assured that every hotel room comes with a bible.
7 comments:
I worry that only one day and night will not be enough, so I've decided to start drinking steadily throughout April so that the 'pump' will be satisfactorily 'primed' come 'May'.
I'll start working on the seminar series. I think we'll have a welcome reception and a few breakout sessions... if you know what I mean.
BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!
Wait... what do I mean?
holy moly; i think i may be able to spoil your party this year. uh, i mean show up.
will you have any more details coming up in future posts?
sir, that's not really necessary. there will be plenty of tequilacon professionals on site to hold your hair at a moment's notice.
jenny, i'm not sure what you meant, but by your theme music i am assuming you meant doggie porn.
swine, oh, man, you have to make it. we hope to have a location determined the week after next and will be posting that info soon.
I hear Roofies (sp?) and alcohol mix moderately well.
Wasn't Benjamin Franklin from Philidelphia? Or was that Boston? In any event, what about a seminar conducted by Benjamin Franklin concerning making out with acquaintences then feeling all akward the next day. I'll supply the bald-wig.
I'm so there, dude. I think I'll leave my key right outside my room door this year. Y'know, in case I decide to lock myself out of my room in my boxers again.
OK so like I know I said this before and all, but I'm so gonna be there! And I swear this time I won't leave until I actually see you guys.
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