There are perfectly good reasons for leaving anonymous comments and creating anonymous websites and sending anonymous emails, and just because I can’t actually think of those reasons doesn’t make it not so. Still, we were all raised on the Web, and we all survived the site traffic fever that swept through the early part of the decade, and we have all matured into writing for writing’s sake, much as Rob Lowe graduated from licking the toilet bowls of St. Elmo’s Fire to his own adult television drama, The Lyon’s Den (ok, bad example), and much as Andrew McCarthy survived the wrath of Duckie to eventually star in the, um, hit show E-Ring (sp?), er, and, um just as Ally Sheedy rose from…oh never mind.
I guess what I am saying is that I am going to delete unsigned comments because they don’t make me as happy as, say a Bob Ross landscape or a fedora hiding tiny bottles of bourbon or when I am able to reach the door and throw the dog out JUST before she vomits all those $35 Nintendo DS cartridges that somehow didn’t agree with her.
Also, I shouldn’t have to say this, but if you are new to the Internet, or my grandmother just stopping by to visit my blarg or someone who just accidentally couldn’t say who you are because the Homeland Security will getcha, then you have no reason to take offense. So don’t.
Also, I made a skit! Because pills are easier to swallow when they are funny! Also: cherry-flavored.
“Recession proof your blog by ensuring your value to the internet with these three easy steps!”
1.Show up early and stay late. Does Boing Boing get its first post up at 4:30 AM Eastern Time? Set your clock an hour ahead and greet the world at
2.Find ways to save the Internet money. The Internet is not a welfare state, and if you are not proving your financial mettle, you might find yourself in the 404. Has someone already written about the world's most dangerous roads in
3.Make yourself well-known. Does the Internet need someone to step up? Make sure everyone knows your name. You can't take the credit for that great idea if you're hiding behind a proxy server when you decide to open your mouth. Seriously, enough with the anonymous shit. It's creepy, like that time your uncle came home for a holiday you weren't previously aware of and no one would explain to you what furlough meant.
19 comments:
So in your opinion, which is worse, commenting anonymously, or reading anonymously without commenting at all?
I love watching Bob Ross paint. It's like the zen-iest zen in the world of zen-like etcetera. I've never seen such happy clouds, trees, and fences. I don't know what he's on when he's painting, but I want a liter of it.
i read a lot of sites where i never comment, in the same way i used to read newspapers without ever sending in a letter to the editor. i think if people want to read without saying anything, that's perfectly alright with me.
It was more titillating when I thought that commenter said something horrid. Now I know you just deleted it cause you think they’re chicken.
Where can I find one of those fedoras hiding tiny bottles of bourbon, and can I order one that hides scotch instead?
steph, as i just mentioned to a friend, i have already drafted a full retraction in case the anonymous person turns out to be a hot co-worker. because i am not too much of a man to employ my own double standards.
e, i think you know exactly where to find one! on top of my head come friday! and yes, they come in scotch.
ugh. man, i am such an idiot...
I sometimes forget which alias I'm writing under and so the easier button to push is the anonymous one. But the cherry flavor helps.
Join the club. We meet on Wednesdays.
heather, i hear that's the secret to kool-aid!
steph, i'll have to check with my sponsor, but i think wednesdays might work.
I have it on good authority that Iron Fist is on his second glass of wine around 11:30PM.
(Also, I guess I need to get around to seeing what this whole OpenID thing is about.)
I've been lurking over here without commenting (at least not recently, or even at this incarnation of the brandonblog), and now I feel so guilty that I feel compelled to submit a comment even though I don't have anything witty to say. Not that this is the first time I've done that.
Hi Brandon!
i would think that someone named iron fist would drink malt liquor, but if wine is your thing...
hi! aaron! good to see you again. i hope you didn't feel guilty for too long, since i have no problem with lurkers.
lurk lurk lurk :)
heh. it seems i am being rewarded by my outburst. i should definitely throw fits more often ;)
I've been lurking also and left an anonymous comment or two that I hope did not offend you. (The one about the tattoo and some easlier one I believe.)
I came, I read, I commented. God I wish I knew Latin, then I could be really annoying with it.
I do hate anonymous commenters. But I console myself by telling myself that the only reason they don't want to leave their names is they're so embarrassed and ashamed of the filthy, depraved sexual fantasies they have of me on a minute-by-minute basis that they can't bear to identify themselves.
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