The Essence of T-Giving \

(Umm. This sounds a lot angrier than it really is. I'm actually having a good week/month. But you know, I sort of like how it came out. I always wanted to be the sarcastic one in the group, the one who always seemed to be able to get away with saying LIKE YOU CARE when greeted with a how-de-do.

Of course, it's all true. But what's intact is my positive attitude and my erection. For whatever that's worth.

I mean, the tattoo thing is not true. I'm not getting any body paint. And I don't think I'm ugly. And no one is going to ask me to say the Thanksgiving prayer. I mean really. They will occasionally bad mouth Democrats in my presence, but for fear of lightning, they know well enough not to get started on the Bible.

I did make Alex cry, and have felt horribly horribly bad about it all day because of all the people in the world who deserve to feel that kind of pit in the stomach pain, she is no where on the list, and I am thankful every time she picks me up, plucks me right out of my own burning wreckage, fingertips dipped in aloe and lays kisses on my kneecaps and elbows. Damn.)

I am starting to get worried about my age and situation, knowing that many in my place and time have, oh, I don't know FOUNDRELIGIONTOOKAWIDESTANCEINAPUBLICTOILETGOTATATTOO.

1. finding religion - HAHAHAHAHA! seriously, thanks for that.
2. AISLESWIDESHUT - Um, it's not that I am not curious, but there comes a point when you just realize that you are not gay. So for me to start having sex with men, as a HETEROSEXUAL, would seem like, i dunno, cheating.
3. TATTOO IT IS!

I keep shedding vocabulary like hair; I was reduced to pointing and grunting in the deli today because I couldn't remember the word for EGGROLL. Damn. I am now forced to invent my own kennings using the simplest of terms to describe moderately complex ideas. Like FOOT-TOOTH (toenail), DEVIL-SWEAT (tequila) and ME-BAY (Flickr self-portrait).

The whole morning, I was busy deleting images of me, me, me from my ca(me)ra. I don't know why they are always so down on the modeling industry for giving us unhealthy expectations of self-image because in looking at my self-portraits it is apparent that I am doing that enough already. I thought about posting a photo of what I REALLY look like to emphasize the point I am trying to make but there is enough ugliness in the world without me crapulating it. I am dizzy with hunger of late, and the power keeps cutting out, I had the oddest craving for a cigarette yesterday and I made Alex cry and said bad words about her mother and daydreamed about telling my own parents that today is the last day they will ever see me and I yelled at Tristan and I forgot to feed my fish and I am convinced that I have doomed my daughter to a life of poor vocabulary and self-centeredness. Plus, I accidentally ate a viagra right before I had to chop wood, and I don't even know what to say about that.

It is such a happy thanksgiving, and now I know where began the tradition of taking an axe and chopping down the biggest tree you can find on Friday. Every year someone is asked to say a prayer before the meal, and god help them if they call on me if I've had my bourbon neat. God help them all. Their little peace loving deity will be most displeased.