sometimes when i am giving a presentation, i have moments where because i know the material so good i am automatic and can continue but deep inside my head there is a conversation taking place, and it typically involves the following inner narrative: DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?!??
this conversation took place FAR TOO MANY TIMES TODAY. it started that moment when i wanted to make a joke about conflating my advice with all those pharmaceutical commercials, and when i meant to say, 'ASK YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR ABOUT WORKSHEET C,' i jokingly said instead 'ASK YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR IF LIPITOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU.'but of course i did not actually say LIPITOR. i thought LIPITOR. what i actually said was LEVITRA.
DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY LEVITRA? while lipitor is only mildly funny, it is not in the least inappropriate. what levitra offers in humor, it sadly lacks in decorum.
"SO WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT THE GOVERNMENT WILL PAY FOR YOUR TUITION IF YOU GO OUT AND GET MARRIED AND MAKE BABIES."you know, while this is actually TRUE, it does not lend itself to BEING INVITED BACK TO SPEAK EVER EVER AGAIN.
because i don't know if anyone else has noticed, but my god are there some pretty girls out there. and sometimes they even talk to you and touch your elbow.
9 comments:
the dixie cup adds a certain folksy charm, but i think i'm going to buy you one of those collapsible camping cups for your birthday. i'll get one for jesus too.
i am convinced that the vodka combines with the dixie cup particles ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL to maximize the enjoyment principle. i would explain it, but you know it involves science, and as they say, I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C.
Of course the pretty girls were smitten. You're obviously taking Levitra, and they all know exactly what that means:
Bow.
Chicka.
Bow.
Are dixie cups really from Dixie?
I'm getting a lot of great laughs from Google Reader this morning. I'd ask if you could pass that bottle of Sky, but Grey Goose is obviously the far far far superior product.
sir, all i have to do is see a little blue pill to get my heart racing.
jennie! yes, but in Dixie they call it China.
jill, 20 years into drinking, and honestly, if you set out four glasses of unmarked vodka in front of me i would never in a million years be able to tell you which was which. and if you asked me to name the best tasting one, it would be the one in the first glass i picked up.
Oh wow. Look at all the possibility for syntactical and contextual ambiguity in that comment. Where the hell is the delete button?!
damn! wouldn't you know, there IS a delete button!
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