\ thrill in my heart

A fireplace is a recess, in a wall, where a fire can be built, and I am staring at something called an electric fireplace, and were I to set tinder and kindling and yule tidings under a kerosene spray, throw in my flame, the definitions would come undone, the plastic would melt and the tenants would die for not having a flue. It is not what it's advertised. It's not what it's.

I don't want to be that uncomfortable pause for you, where you think of me and say, accidentally, out loud, I'd rather not deal with this now. And if you were to say, maybe we should just call this off forever, I would steel myself for an eternity, and if you were to call the day before forever arrived and say, I'd like to see you, just this once, I would unshackle those irons and burn the midnight oil, ignore the smoke in the carburetor, pretend it was the promise of popcorn before an empty theater, and, well this is surprising, but I'd take a wrong turn, god, I totally would, and I know this because I have, and combing the beach I'd watch for an ocean sunrise that will never come, because this is not the right coast, this is where the cowboys dip their toes into the cold Pacific, wonder if the sequel will have them join the merchant marines, dread the tales about the custom of the sea. Who drew the short straw.

The straws these days have nothing to do with length, but width is an economic driver. Open up that diameter and add profit to your coffers, the wider the straw, the more bicarbonate of soda into the gullet, the more, the morer, the morest.

Years ago, I lay out in front of this fake fireplace, I faked a bit of discontent, I imagined that I would keep coming back to revisit all these fake regards and false promises, and here I am. It is warm, nonetheless. It burns coronas into my eyes when I close my lids as tightly as can be, I can read fireworks in the phosphenes, crawl back under the blanket, hear the waves crash against the surf. There is an empty bottle still buried out there in the sand, and maybe that's how all these beaches came to be.