what is that move called in martial arts movies where you do that highly improbable backhand attack to knock someone out who is coming at you from behind?
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I JUST DID THAT TO MY UNHAPPINESS.
why do i say this, you ask? ask dammit
because next week i will be breaking bread with the portland area planning committee of tequilacon international! there will be karaoke and drinking and dancing and self-pleasure and laughter and tears and then i'll probably need to stop for gas and 'me time.' oh, and later, i'll arrive in portland and try to find parking.
it's been a long time since i have seen asia, vahid, jenny, sibyl and eclectic, and it will be longer still for eclectic because she's not coming, which is too bad for the Central Washington constituents, because if you're not at the meeting, you can't correct items on the agenda or add syphilis to the list of excludable invitee characteristics to TequilaConPHILA08. Although, you would have gotten out-voted or shouted down had you even tried, Eclectic!
i'm looking forward to turning this site into my own private record of events that bolster my self-worth, so depending on how my hair looks that night, i might even post topless photos. ironically, i think i look much more mysterious without a top, hardly recognizable at all! (please don't ask me if i've been working out, because that is offensive. instead ask, MY GOD STOP WORKING OUT ALREADY, WHAT ARE THOSE, BLASTOMAS?).
if you want me to tell anyone at the event a secret, please post in the comments below, but make sure it is ambiguously dirty, and also request that i must tell them by whispering it in their ears after 7 shots of watermelon-appletini mix.
i'm not sure where we will be celebrating, but it will likely involve any place that has PBR for $2. which is like eighteen cents in 2005 dollars. ugh.
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11 comments:
it's about time someone takes me to a topless bar in portland. sheesh. how many times do i have to go there before someone finally shows me what the city has to offer?
This has absolutely nothing to do with your post:
Your new monikker (/\) (hey it kinda looks like boobs when you put it in parens) for some reason always makes me think of the old "Point, Counterpoint" skits from Saturday Night Live, which always makes me want to say to you, "Jane, you ignorant slut."
So I will: Jane, you ignorant slut.
Hmmm...ambiguously dirty secrets...how about the fact that whenever I comment on anyone's blog, I type it out with my tongue so that it'll be a little more erotically charged. This may explain why you feel a little naughty after reading my comments.
Well, you're welcome.
jenny, we have a saying here in stumptown, "WHEN YOU LACK FOR TOPLESS BARS, CLEAR THE TABLE AND GATHER YOUR ONES." i'll bring canadian dollars so it's worth your time. now all you need to do is come up with your own suicide girl stage name. how about Shimmy McSweetness?
caitlin, that is the second time someone has compared my moniker to a part of the female anatomy. i'm not even trying, honest!
sir, i'd be more impressed if you typed your comments out on an iPhone.
Oh, if I WANTED to use syphilis as an exclusion criterion... but lucky for you, I don't want to. I think people with syphilis are entitled to the same rights and privileges under the Constitution as everyone with herpes. This natural bent toward justice has really benefitted my legal career.
I was looking up syphilis on WebMD the other day and learned it's become a rather wimpy disease susceptible to a single round of penicillin (why does it look like the root of that word is "penis"?) So, Brandon, can you just use your medical connections so we can do preemptive penicillin-agave shots?
Secrets? She told all the guys that they were "the best ever" but she told me that she lied to all of them and I'm really the best ever.
Wait, Tequilacon will be in Philly in '08? Because I could so go to that! And then you could spill precious alcohol on me again, and oh, would we laugh!
If it's actually going to be in Phila, then I guess the joke's on me, because I don't know where that is. Because U.S. Americans can't afford maps.
Don't forget to add "applying tattoos" and "celebrating birthdays" to your to-do list. And this time, we won't even by lying to our waiter! (About the birthday, anyway.)
I think this is the only time in my life where it's almost Friday and I'm wishing fervently that tomorrow would be Wednesday.
eclectic, MY natural bent has benefited me in other ways. (i don't know what that means)
mouse, i'm afraid if i whisper your secret too loudly then it will start a fist fight. maybe i'll just mention your STD research.
mg! BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
vahid, remember that friday we all went out and i started smoking cigarette butts from random ashtrays? well, i know how you feel about wishing Friday was Wednesday already. i know. i know.
Oddly enough, this member of the Central Washington constituency will be flying from Chicago to L.A. during the big summit meet. But it's no big loss to the committee, because all I would do is drink beer and draw on the table with color crayons while singing songs I learned from Spongebob Squarepants anyway.
I knew you'd return to the interwebs. Consider yourself subscribed to.
P.S. Thanks for not shanking me last night when I practically sat in your lap at dinner.
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