i am editing this post, since i used some unfortunate visuals and this site is not supposed to have anything remotely related to imagery, and already my eyes burn from the memory of those bad, naughty, dirty picto-words.
that said, i was reading this site and i thought, 'HMMMM. DEAR GOD, I AM RUINING ANY HOPE MY CHILDREN MIGHT HAVE OF A FUTURE.' at any given moment, the most pressing concern that either my son or daughter must face is which parent to turn against the other in a renewed quest to obtain that elusive (nintendo game/cheese pizza/new parent).
they are going to be soooo boring when they are older.
for this reason, i am pretty sure my next business idea will be called 'POOR CAMP.' it will be a place you can send your children to experience poverty, abuse, neglect, embarrassment and the loss of your favorite pet. it will all be highly structured, of course, and no kid will be pushed beyond his/her emotional/ physical/ spiritual limits, but these thresholds are actually much higher than you think. it is not a discipline camp, per se, because there will be no purpose for these activities other than to give your children interesting stories to tell later on in life.
sample monday activities might involve
7am - wake up from your sleeping mat in the pantry, pour yourself a bowl of corn flakes and water, toss a loaf of bread out in the yard to feed your 7 dogs, 12 cats and one possum that your mom's ex-boyfriend left behind.
730 - rifle through your mom's purse (it will be partially hidden in the bushes in the front yard) for whatever change and cigarettes that might help you score lunch.
8am - walk one and a half-miles to the bus stop conveniently located in front of a mock halfway house/soup kitchen.
10am - get sent to the principal's office for wearing the same outfit you wore all five days last week in class.
11am - ...
um, i would go on, but this is starting not to be as funny as i thought it would be. ugh. i didn't even get to the last day where you come home pregnant with a forged GED before i realized i'm not sure if i really want to meet the kind of venture capitalist who would underwrite this sort of thing.
i think boring is underrated.
ps - the post below is loosely based on a comment i wrote but then deleted from here.
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8 comments:
poor camp should be a mandatory requirement for every child. some adults, too. in fact, most.
now that's some good thinkin', b.
I survived Poor Camp t-shirts
ha! yeah, but they couldn't be silk screened tshirts. they would have to be cheap iron-ons, ironed on to wifebeaters.
and the reality tv show no doubt already in production somewhere.
Or the kids could make their own stencils out of old cereal boxes and spray paint the designs on the shirts. Bonus: you get to huff the paint, natch.
You'll provide adequate closet and/or under-bed storage for all the wine bottles the kids will be expected to both find a way to purchase AND bring back for the camp "parent", right?
ha! i remember spray painted tshirts! good times!
eclectic, what is this wine 'bottle' of which you speak? are you referring to the plastic bag inside the box?
Seriously tho, I do worry (as you obviously do) that my 12yo daughter has not:
1) created a bomb out of a mason jar full of match heads,
2) carried a razor-sharp knife to school every day for purposes of carving up the school desks,
3) stolen her parents' weed for smoking with her friends down at the local swimming hole,
4) sneaked out for midnight skinny dipping,
5) stolen a dump truck to drive to a school dance (actually, that was 15),
6) gotten drunk,
7) shot at cans with someone's dad's "borrowed" pistol,
8) hitchhiked
All of which should be madatory activities added to your camp -- Kids these days are BORING!!!
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