I am just heartbroken and not sure what to do other than join the PTA so I can set this shit straight. Yesterday, my son asked, the traces of lost innocence still fresh in his eyes, "HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FREDDY COUGAR?"
Who?
FREDDY COUGAR. HE'S A CAT THAT ALWAYS HATED HUMANS AND ONCE HE SAW A GIRL READING A BOOK UP IN A TREE AND FREDDY HAD ESCAPED FROM A ZOO WHERE HE NEARLY DIED IN A FIRE AND HE STARTED SCRATCHING HER LEGS AND-
Freddy Cougar?
YEAH, FREDDY COUGAR. THEY TRIED TO KILL HIM BUT WHENEVER YOU GO TO SLEE-
I think you must mean Freddy Kruger.
KRUGER? THAT'S A STUPID NAME FOR A CAT.
and later...
ISABEL TOLD ME ABOUT BLOODY MARY.
Mmmm. Bloody marys...
SHE SAID THAT YOU GO IN THE BATHROOM...
Uh, yeah.
THEN YOU TURN OFF ALL THE LIGHTS...
Right.
YOU FLUSH THE TOILET...
Toilet??
YOU TURN ON THE SINK...
Huh?
YOU TURN AROUND THREE TIMES?
The fuck?
AND THEN SHE APPEARS!
Wrong! What's this business with the toilet? And you didn't even smear water on the mirror! Plus, you have to close your eyes and SAY HER NAME three times!
REALLY?
Tomorrow morning on the bus I want you to march right up to Isabel and tell her how to do it right! And make sure you remind her that it won't work if her parents are home!
I honestly don't know what they're teaching kids anymore.
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5 comments:
I thought you had to say her name ten times, really fast like this: bloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymarybloodymary.
No?
i'm not sure, but i just got home and apparently my kid got detention cause he told everyone the real rules and they all tried it in the school bathrooms. he then had the nerve to tell me, "IT DOESN'T WORK."
i was totally "OF COURSE IT DOESN'T WORK AT SCHOOL! BLOODY MARY ISN'T GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL! SHE'S ALREADY DEAD FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
Not going to school is one of the main benefits of being dead, according to my 7th grade daughter.
This is all very disturbing. Then again, you're pretty disturbed yourself.
You're son makes an excellent point: Freddy Kruger is kind of a stupid name for a cat.
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