/ work ethic

The big news at the water cooler was that apparently one of our co-workers has discovered the world wide internet and OMGOMGOMG has a WEB SITE. The bigger news is that apparently he is using company equipment to operate his side business, AS THE WEB SITE CLEARLY SHOWS. The biggest news is that apparently my co-workers don't like him.

I have always tried to minimize my employment presence with my world wide internet persona, but based on the kinds of things I have written, most of you can probably guess that I make my living as a male escort (seriously, has anyone talked more about herpes than me in the last three years? and all that Journey business? plus going on and on and on about my children, wasn't that obviously a diversion?). So I can't really assume a holier-than-thou attitude when it comes to abuse of public* property, now can I? (*Okay, so it's a state-run escort business).

Plus, I really like the guy.

But just so's you don't get your preconceptions about public male escort workers reinforced, I should point out that I do have an ethical standard, and it is this: no matter how much we may dislike society's rules, the rules need to be followed until they are changed in a democratic process, UNLESS I like you, and then you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want, JUST AS LONG as you don't expect me to have your back when you get busted, 'cause I'll be there among the rest of the pitchfork-and-torch-bearing townspeople when you are uncovered for the lousy ruffian you are.

I believe this to be the most sophisticated moral code possible because it allows me to balance my profound respect for standards with a critical approach to judging each case by its individual merits, all while allowing me and my friends to have a bunch of sex-for-pay on the side using publicly-owned property to build our clientele.

My other ethical standard is this: IF YOU DO NOT LAUGH AT MY JOKES, YOU ARE MORALLY OBLIGATED TO TAKE YOUR WARES ELSEWHERE.

Sales Rep - "So, have you instituted any time management workshops for your students?"
Me (giggling) - "Um, no, we've been swamped and just can't seem to work it into the schedule." (giggling)
Sales Rep - "That's fine, this is actually a common response, and we can help you implement an effective plan. Okay, so have you instituted any procrastination workshops for your students?"
Me (giggling louder) - "Um, no, we've meant to but we keep putting it off." (giggling really loudly)
Sales Rep - "That's perfectly understandable. We can help you implement this as well. Okay, so have you developed a workshop to help students manage their personal finances?"
Me (completely given up) - "We wanted to, but didn't have any room in our budget." (sighs)
Sales Rep - "Not to worry, we have over 15 years experience---"

At this point in the conference call, the telephone cord was mysteriously yanked from the wall and my ethical standards were upheld.