/ I Wander

hey, if one of my fantasies was to cross-dress and make out with a girl cross-dressed as a man, would you hold that against me? i mean, it would still be straight, right? 'cause we're both pretending?

no?

meh. in any case, i am absolutely screwed if the people i most often hear discussing heaven are actually IN CHARGE of heaven. good god.

although assuming that heaven has no war and no abortion, then i'm not sure how they'd ever get re-elected...

anyways, lately I am curious about the privacy of our cars, the anonymity well known to drive the most mild mannered of even the Amish to violent displays of rage (Yes, I know about the Amish! I'm referring to the small Amish sect that permits driving, the Pennsylvania Clutch), but more than rage, I am interested in love, which is like rage but comes with flowers. I am wondering how many people conduct long, drawn-out love affairs with merely the eyes reflected in the rearview mirror of the car in front of you. If anyone perhaps follows a car for a while, notices the driver ahead of you meet your glance in her rearview mirror and think, 'SHE LOVES ME and I LOVE HER and I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF IT!' then I am interested in your thoughts.

(editor's note: I have never done this. i am just wondering if OTHER people do. I would never do something like this. I wouldn't.)

Okay, so the first thing that drives my curiosity is this, are you more likely to fall in love, marry, make babies with, and eventually divorce (before you arrive at work, obviously) someone who is in FRONT of you, or someone who is BEHIND you?

IN FRONT OF YOU PROS:
1. really, you can only see her eyes, so this is almost entirely an emotional, and therefore PURER relationship
2. because the eyes are the window to the soul, although to be fair, when we are discussing a regular work commute, we are really talking about a REFLECTION of a window to the soul, and as everyone knows, reflections are the OPPOSITE of reality (?)
3. god, i'm already confused
4. most bumper stickers are placed on the REAR bumper, for some reason, so you can pretty much destroy the fantasy when you read something like "W IS FOR WOMEN"
5. or alternately SWOON when you read "W IS FOR WHORE"

BEHIND YOU PROS
1. you can see her entire face, and therefore the love is an equal proportion of emotional and physical, which is important
2. you can drive nearly 15 miles per hour slower than the speed limit, and really check her out
3. you can speed up and escape when she notices that the eye crust should probably have been picked clean at home
4. having the woman behind you is sort of a fetishistic dream come true (i.e. if you hit the brakes, then you just got 'rear-ended' and it's still straight)
5. she can't see you ____ (fill in the blank, 'weep,' 'throb,' 'take photos')

Anyway, it's all just conjecture. No one ever REALLY makes eye contact with the person driving next to them and pretends to have a relationship and babies and a mortgage and gives up his dreams and then reconciles after recovering from a long illness before taking up some arbitrary hobby and wrapping up all those loose ends to attain happily ever after. Nuh uh.