\ after me

i have the strangest headache today, all moonlit flashes in the bright of day. it is raining, and still the lights, as though clouds an artificial construct, wholly incapable of shadow, spirit and holy ghost. there are always three people in these moments, you, the person you left, and the one to whom you are running. i have been all three, in just the last year alone.

it hurts, but is the best kind, you have fissures solid and stronger because of the break, and the pain is a dull ache, not a pressing concern, this will make me faster and if i could wound myself in this manner, i would, make my entire body into one quicker than possible scar. tense and ready to spring, or fall.

i think of people who call you by the name of another, of numbers dialed unintentionally, 'oh, i thought i was calling someone else!' 'who?' 'oh.' i think, even untimelier, unspoken, unconsidered thoughts. these are sweeter mistakes, still, because in the dark, hair stroked and warm skin can belong to any character from your favorite story, even daydreams created entirely in your head, your fingers upon the steel of the handlebar, and a few buildings pass by, and what is that? the lucky lab? ah, i remember now. we met up after work, once, and we were swimming in the conversation, and i know that look, it is so funny to not name your storm when the rain is falling all about you, but, yes. these are the rules. and your phone rings, and my god, why would you answer it? was this not the time of our life? and how he arrived so quickly, i don't know, or maybe it wasn't so quick after all.

oh yes, that is what it is like. like watching the object of your affection kiss the object of her affection.

as you are walking home, to your car, you turn around. sometimes she meets your glance. sometimes she does not.