Because I live in the country, I am occasionally called upon by my step-daddy to operate HEAVY EQUIPMENT, and that means MISUNDERSTANDINS.
“WHY DON’T YOU GET ON THERE IN THE BACKHOE.”
“SHEE-YIT! WHAT YOU CALL ME? I AIN’T GIT IN THE BACK FO’ NO ONE, FOOL!”
“SHEE-YIT!”
I tell this story to my son (WHO’S 9) because he’s reached that narrow age where foul language makes him laugh, but he’s not foolhardy enough to repeat it in front of the social worker, unlike his 4 year old sister, whose imitation ‘goo-damns’ and ‘mummy foo-foos’ do nothing but take the edge off the only weapon I have left in the War Against the War on Terror. But my boy is impervious to my ill-doings and may yet believe in the Baby Jesus. He is my moral compass, and I occasionally am forced to twist his arm behind his back, flick his earlobe, show him WHAT’S WHAT.
“When I was a kid in Texas,” I say, “we had a saying: “SHEE-YIT.”*”
* double quotes, ‘cause in Texas, “SHEE-YIT” is considered a complete sentence.
When he cuts with the giggles, I say, “IN FACT, MAH UNCLE STEVE COULD PRONOUNCE SHEE-YIT NO FEWER THAN 17 DIFFERN’T WAYS. HE WAS BORN WITH A SILVER TRASH CAN IN HIS MOUTH, HE WAS. HE COULD PRONOUNCE HESELF SOME SHEE-YIT, UNLIKE YOUR GRANDFATHER WITH THAT NEW ENGLAND PINKY FINGER POOP NONSENSE."
“I thought Granddad was from Idaho?”
“SHEE-YIT!”
Fortunately, SHEE-YIT is a conversation stopper more than a segue. You can’t argue SHEE-YIT. Except with another SHEE-YIT.
Of all my early memories, the ones that make me happiest involve my uncles cussing at me. No shit.
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6 comments:
How nice.
MY uncle always asked me to come ride like a horsey on his knee. But I swear—his knees were really weird. Like he had an extra or something.
"SHEE-YIT"
my HOPE in writing this was that someone would be compelled to say SHEE-YIT out loud just once. my hope has been fulfilled.
my FEAR was that the childhood recollection would trigger a repressed memory in someone, and riding horsey on an uncle's knee is a memory that often needs to stay buried.
I didn't say it out loud. Just sayin'
Hopelessly yours,
I just said "Shee-yit" out loud at my desk. You're welcome.
thank you, m!
they say to never doubt that a single person can change the world, and i'm starting to BELIEVE.
don't forget that cursing in front of a child will make your gesture doubly meaningful.
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