nablopomo

nablopomo

Soon, I will end a month of posting at least once per day and enter a new phase of my career as I wind down the last 4 months of this blog (AKA THE SLOWEST FAREWELL EVER): I’ll be trying my hand at some guest posting, which will allow me to cut loose some of the binds that constrain me here, being as how this is a children’s site, and I’m not allowed to say things offensive to the wee ones, like ‘monkey spoo’ and ‘cock mold.’ The daily posting, however, has not been a source of complaint or concern, and I feel like not only have I produced a heavy discharge (over 10,000 words), but also some quality writing, including such sentences as, ‘it tends to rain when I'm around, as though I were the human moisturizer, or a porn star by the name of Al O'Vera,’ plus, ‘YOU MOTHERFUCKR! YOU GAVE ME HERPES!,’ also, ‘Travis and I returned to our cabin, jealous that he was probably going to have sex with the man, jealous of all the warmth he would receive, jealous that he still obviously had both the will to live and the will to love,’ and who can forget, ‘I’ve pretended to be a homosexual so that the local pastor’s wife would give me back massages and clove cigarettes.’ (besides me, of course.).

Of course, I cannot recycle any of that material for my guest posting, because it’s a well known fact that people have the capacity to remember 90% of everything they’ve read within the last 30 days. So I decided to go back further into my archives, knowing that since this blog is not yet even 2 years old, SURELY it won’t take more than 15 minutes or so to scrape the bottom of the barrel for laughs.

GAH!

Apparently, using single spacing and 12 point font, it would take over 750 PAGES TO CONTAIN ALL THE CRAP I’VE WRITTEN. That’s 260,000+ words for those of you keeping count at home.

This doesn’t include the 1,000+ photos I’ve taken and uploaded to FlickR in order to have an original photo with each post.

And what have I received in compensation for all this effort? A handful of bosom shots and an iPod Nano that suffers from syphilis. Was it worth it? Didn’t you hear me? I said “BOSOM SHOTS.”

Next week, I will also return to taking photos again, being as how Canon now has $1,000 more of the money that should have probably gone towards penicillin. But honestly? Knowing that I have maintained what has been the equivalent of a non-paying second full-time job in order to maintain a BLOG makes it clear that I don’t deserve the penicillin. I deserve the itchy redness.