nablopomo mofo

nablopomo_yoda_120x90

It's hard to complain about others judging me when that line is already long, and I woke up at 2 in the morning to be first in line and used two credit cards to buy out the first two rows and a crate of spoiled produce. What I'm saying is thanks for the mean things you all said about me, and to pay you back motherfuckers, I am hereby christening DAY ONE of NABLOPOMO with an incentive of sorts, like the crumbs that will eventually lead you to a tiny cottage in the middle of the woods where an old crone is baking two small children. (APOLOGIES. I WENT TO A PUBLIC INSITUTION OF HIGHER EDUCATION AND NEVER FINISHED MY COLLEGE TEXTS.)

No, what I mean is thank you for the horrible things you wrote, and in gratuity, I offer a token of my gratuity. For each one of you who comments on every single post as I attempt to post every day in November as part of NABLOPOMO MOFO, I will enter you in a contest, sponsored by a sponsor who has pledged $1 for each day.

That's RIGHT. The winner will get $30! Minus taxes ($12). I mean, come on! Who wouldn't give their right nut for $18? Don't. Even.

Oh, if you don't have nuts, you're still eligible for the prize. I guess.

Okay, so following is my first official NABLOPOMO MOFO post.

/cue the ducks

Dear Samsung,

I LOVE my new phone. Unfortunately, your AD WIZARDS made a serious error in naming it. Whereas other companies had the foresight to give their devices memorable names, you have crippled my ability to market your fine product by calling it the SGH-D807.

WTF?!?

Example 1:
Unnamed person: Wow! Cool phone! Is that the RAZR?
Me: Uh, no.
Unnamed person: The SLVR?
Me: Uh-uh.
Unnamed person: The CHOCOLATE?
Me: Close.
Unnamed person: What is it?
Me: The SGH-D807.
Unnamed person: I pity you.

Scenario Two, A Metaphor:
Unnamed person: Wow! Nice cock! Is that the RAZR?
Me: Nope.
Unnamed person: The chocolate?
Me: Uh-uh.
Unnamed person: The SLVR?
Me: Not even close.
Unnamed person: Then what is it?
Me: The CLAMDIGGR 6.5.
Unnamed person: Oooh! I've heard of that. Does it play MP3 ring tones?
Me: I'm not sure. I keep it on vibrate.

Sincerely,

A Customer