communicatrix
(Colleen demanded I write on the following topic: Good-looking versus Attractive. The issue presents a certain challenge, since all the people who visit here are technically good-looking, so they might not understand why none of them are attractive. Therefore, I've had to take a different approach to this dilemma, being as how each of us is blinded daily by the light that is the Blogosphere, and there is not one of you who wouldn't kill me if I attempted to unbind you from the chains that are the INTERNEST.)
Imagine a world where people were bound to desks. The only images you could see were in fact reflections of reality, rendered photographs of how your captors wanted you to see them (FLICKR). So that if you were to be released, you would be overwhelmed by non-fluorescent light, and sunlight! Gah, don't even think about sunlight, ye pasty victim!
What would be attractive to you? And what would be good-looking?
Fire
Fire, by definition, is a chemical reaction, and therefore, would seem UNattatractive. But chemistry is THE VERY DEFINITION OF ATTRACTION. Therefore, while seeing your hopes and dreams converted into a steaming pile of ash and smoke might not be "good looking," it is undoubtedly ATTRACTIVE.
Scars
Scar tissue, by definition, is a result of healing, the inferior replacement of tissue lost when wounded. Raised, sunken or otherwise discolored, it is the epitome of NOTPRETTY. But OMFG are scars attractive. Show me your scars and you have a free ticket to feel me up in the grocery line, even though I was initially put off by your fascination with the Soap Opera (Non-Refereed) Journal du Jour. I once got into a fistfight as a child, and the resulting keloid tissue grew and grew like an extraterrestrial tumor, and when the doctor was finally forced to cut it out, I felt less attractive than at any point in my life.
Pirates
If pirates were truly good-looking, each of us would cut off one of our legs, one of our hands, one of our eyes and buy a parrot. PIRATES ARE NOT PRETTY. But for some reason, they are nearly as attractive as ninjas.
Ninjas
Attractive, sure. But not pretty. WHY ELSE WOULD THEY WEAR MASKS?!?
War
If ever a contradiction in terms of 'good-looking' versus 'attractive' existed, it is armed conflict. Nothing we know could be uglier than war, and yet NOTHING could be more attractive. The bombs, the passion, the conflict, the movies, the heroism. God, is there anything NOT attractive about war?
Peace
Finally, something that is technically VERY GOOD LOOKING, but extremely UNATTRACTIVE. Nothing is prettier than peace. Children not being blown up, flowers not misshapen due to radiation, winters not artificially created. Peace is gorgeous.
But the problem with peace is that it's plain. And BORING. Whereas war comes with dozens of military decorations (Medal of Honor, Distinguished Service Cross, Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart, Most Likely to Succeed with Napalm, etc.), negotiation has no recognition. What do you get for negotiating peace? The table setting, IF YOU'RE LUCKY. Sure, it's pretty, what with all the designer suits and silver tea cup holders, but no one ever made an Oscar-winning movie about a bunch of guys sitting around a card table saying, 'PEACE IS HELL.' I mean no bombs, no fire, no black and white photos of naked children on fire. Peace is good looking. And peace is unbelievably unattractive.
Smoking
Another example of something that is incredibly good-looking, but disfiguringly unattractive. The local convenient store still has a vintage poster of James Dean puffing away on a smoke, and had he lived, he'd certainly be hooking up his Pall Mall to the gaping tracheostomy in his neck, which would no doubt send your erection into dysfunction, but at the time, there was nothing more good-looking. Smoking is pretty. It's unfortunately unattractive. It could be the smell. It could be the light sweet crude oozing from your pie hole.
Nipples
What is more attractive than a nipple?
a. nothing
b. see A
c. ALL OF THE ABOVE
Nipples + nipples = CRAXY ATTRACTIVE
But good-looking? Put a nipple on any other part of your body (forehead, forearm, foreskin, etc.) and tell me if it's pretty. It's not. Nipples are essentially untreated sores. But it's just like the realtors say, LOCATION LOCATION LACTATION.
Squash
I was actually done, but my son just walked in and said, 'SQUASH. UGH.'
Squash is gorgeous. For an 8-year old, however, it's about as attractive as a fist-fight ending in a hug and a handshake.
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