E Pluribus Unamused

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When you’re middle-of-the-road electorate, you run the risk of becoming frustrated when members of Congress from “different sides of the aisle” can’t just do the right thing and vote for the national issues that matter to YOU, like an itemized deduction for malt liquor expenditures.


‘Cause really, aren’t we all on the SAME isle? And no man, Democrat or Republican, is an aisle unto himself.

So imagine my sheer, girl scout glee when I learned that the Senate finally came together on an issue of vital national urgency and passed a resolution proclaiming that the Star Spangled Banner should only be sung in English!

TAKE THAT TERRORISTS

But as long as we’re on a productive legislative streak, shouldn’t we take a few more steps and address some other ‘linguistic’ subversions? After all, the reason most congressmen don’t know the words to the National Anthem is because it’s laden plumb full of archaic verbiage (olden words).

So I’ve done my patriotic duty and written a NEW anthem that the terrorists can go suck on.

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, football!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, guns!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, Jesus!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, bombs!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom burgers (sounds too German) barbecue (French) bacon!

MONEY WELL SPENT

Furthermore, I’ve also instructed my kids to burn anything in the house that includes languages other than English.

Unfortunately, I’m now about $200.

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