10 AM, Sunday, Kitchen
Me: What’s that on your head, Fidel?
Alex: Eet eez my new hat.
Me: It looks like a Cuban trucker cap.
Alex: Eet eez new style. I alvays vanted hat like dees.
Me: Ten pesos says eet’s buried in your closet next month underneath the jean jacket and theme-park sized sunglasses.
Tristan: Can I have some bacon?
Me: Sure, but after you’re done you have to kill a puppy.
Alex: Leave heem alone. Just because you are vussy vegetarian.
NAYA: THAT’S NOT FAIR!
Me: Fine, shoot me for modeling healthy eating habits.
Alex: You are dreenking tumbler of rum!
Me: I said healthy EATING habits. Besides, I already said ‘yes,’ he can slaughter all the muppet babies he wants for all I care.
Tristan: YOU EAT FISH! FISH ARE LIVING CREATURES!
Me: They are NOT, you big dork! They’re plant life! That’s why they need so much water! Besides, JESUS ate fish, and he was the biggest vegetarian of them all!
Alex: Jesus ate lamb in Bible.
Me: ONLY IN THE COMMUNIST VERSION, YOU BIG COMMIE!
NAYA: I’M NOT DOING NUFFING!
Tristan: You ate a whole turkey last Thanksgiving!
Me: Hey, after you’re done MAULING that piglet, you should probably call her parents and let them know she’s NEVER COMING HOME. heh heh.
NAYA: I’M GOING TO MY ROOM!
Alex: Maybe Daddy should go to room, too.
Me: HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER!
Tristan: Oh no, don’t look, Naya. They’re gonna kiss!
Me: You just better be grateful I like kissing supermodels and drinking rum straight from the bottle OR ELSE YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE, YOU LITTLE BABY KILLER!
Naya: EVERYBODY!
Everyone, in unison: EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAAAAT!!!!
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