Apologies in advance for my tendency to listen to your words according to MY HISTORY. Unintentional, I assure you, I’m not such a bad guy, just flwaed, somewhat, and eager. Eager can be such an albatross. Eager to please, eager to impress, eager to let you know that I am sincerely interested, but bumbling. God, I stumble.
Four whole days, but I’ve written, we swears it, it’s just the thing is, I’ve been moody. Like in the old days when I browsed the suicide listings of MySpace and wondered, ‘Did I do that?’. And this is not the conversation I desire come Saturday with new Internest Faces:
New Person: Hey I liked that one post, that, uh, one about…
Me: Child abuse?
New Person: Uh. No, the one where you wrote about…
Me: Dying alone?
New Person: No. The, uh…
Me: Drug addiction? Divorce?
New Person: Heh. omg omg omg…
Me: Journey?
NEW PERSON: YES! THE ONE ABOUT JOURNEY!
Me: You just wiped your brow.
New Person: Boy is it 10 already?
Me: I can tell a fake yawn, you know. Wanna see my cigarette burns?
ETC.
* * *
I think that I’ll draw strength from the crowd as eyes admit those same fears (better than I am better than I am better than I am), as we all try to be better than we imagine ourselves at our very best, and remember that old saying, ‘Some men fail in battle, but sadly even more fail in peace.’
But it eases into soft voices, and forced smiles into genuine laughter mark the beginnings of indescribable friendships.
I cannot describe them.
I’m not like other…
You put a finger to my lips to stop me from finishing.
I was going to say times.
No comments:
Post a Comment