Hands down dumbest most ignorass stupid thing I remember hearing growing up: 'Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about.'
I mean, obviously I already HAD something to cry about. Duh.
Or else, you know, I wouldn't have been crying.
Why is it that the biggest a-holes in the world don’t want to let a kid cry? You TOTALLY know they did them some crying when they was little.
Every now and then I like to make a big joke out of using all those lines I remember with my own kids, ‘BECAUSE I SAID SO,’ ‘DON’T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND,’ and my personal favorite, ‘YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY KID YOU LITTLE BASTARD, SO GO F*@% YOURSELF!’
Of course, since I don't beat my kids, those lines wouldn't work for me anyway. I mean, they don’t even flinch when I lift the beer bottle over my head. In fact, this is pretty much how it would go:
/cue the ducks
Tristan crying. Not just crying but bawling. More than likely because Naya got a bigger donut and eats it verrrry slowly.
Brandon: Tristan, please stop crying. If you'd chew your food, you know, you wouldn't have to watch everyone else enjoy what we call TASTE.
Tristan: BUT IT'S NOT FAIIRRR! WAAAAHHHH!
Brandon: STOP YOUR CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!
Tristan: Like what?
Brandon: Eh. I dunno. Herpes?
Alex: Brandon!
Brandon: Well, not from ME!
Tristan: What's herpes?
Or:
Brandon: TRISTAN, STOP YOUR CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!
Tristan: Like what?
Brandon: Alex, hand me that newspaper! Hey, crybaby, do you see these crime rates!?! Huh, do you!? And do you see this little article about property rates?!? Huh, do ya? And WTF W/ TEH GOOGLE STOCK!?! WHAT KIND OF INTERNET GIANT ACCIDENTALLY POSTS REVENUE FORECASTS ON ITS OWN WEBSITE?!? I mean, what's the world coming to? WAAAHHHH!
Tristan: Mom, why is daddy crying?
Or quite simply:
Brandon: TRISTAN, STOP YOUR CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!
Tristan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Alex: Dees phrase eez magical, honey! He stopped cryeeng before zee vords even left your mouth.
THE END
Whew! Thank the sweet Lord I don’t say anything stupid like they did back then!
/cue the ducks