I have long suspected Tristan corresponds with Arabs, Iowans, MommyBloggers and other unsavories, so in the interest of national security and other deadlier sakes, like curiosity and BOREDOM, I recently took to monitoring his email. My close friends counseled that I should not take to spying, but simply begin to teach him the forgiveness of Jesus, but it makes little sense. Jesus loves me, yes, I know, but it’s the other Gods who have me concerned.
The results of my world saving endeavors proved fruitful, if not entertaining; laughable, if not terrifying. I cannot tell whether or not he conspires with the enemy, or merely suffers from being sired by one of the original human test subjects for Preparations A through G, before the formula was perfected.
And truthfully, if we all talked like this, there would be no talk of anything but hope and humor:
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Subject: To Tristan from Noah
Dear Tristan
Is it ok if I can go to your house in a couple of weeks to play and goof around? Please?
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Dear Noah, I would like it a lot if you came to play with me.We'll have lots of fun!!!!
Tristan
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
I have a good idea. Why don't you come to my house. We'll have a lot of fun. I have some brand new video games, movies and toys. We could play with them all day if that is ok with your Mom. Let's do it next weekend when eveyone is home.
Maybe you could help me pull pranks on my dad. It will be really funny.
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Sure I'll come bro'....that sounds like a lot of fun; I can't wait for next weekend to come. Send me e-mails whenever you can, becouse I love getting messeges from you.
Your friend, Tristan
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Sure, I will email you every day if that's ok. I will see you next weekend.
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Of course, that's ok.I can't wait to play with you!
Tristan
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Come over on Sunday, buddy. Well, see you then. Have your mom call my mom when you are up.
We will decide what time you are coming over.
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Say, is that you my buddy, friend? Of course I'll come.Could I bring my favorite video game to your house?Tristan
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Tristan,
What game is it? You might want to not bring the game. My Playstation is not working. All of my games spin all of the time. Oaky, buddy.
See you next email.
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Hi, guys!
Noah, I was not sure what game but I guess it doesn't matter anymore since your playstation doesn't work. But that's OK we will find something else to do.Can't wait till tomorrow! Your buddy, Tristan.
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Thanks for coming over tonight. Hey, Tristan, why don't you have a play day next weekend again. We could have a sleepover. And, we could watch tv and play. It will be a lot of fun. We could play laser tag like we did a couple of minutes ago. Doing this sleepover is a good choice. I'm glad you're my friend.
Your friend,
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
I had so much fun yesterday and I think a sleepover sounds great.I can't wait to play with you again because you're my best friend too.
Your friend, Tristan
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Can we do the sleepover next weekend, not this weekend? Bring over that video game you were planning to bring. My playstation is much better. This will be awesome. Well, see you next weekend.
Sincerely yours
Noah
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Subject: Re: To Tristan from Noah
Ok I guess next weekend will be great.I'll bring a game over.I can't wait! Your friend, Tristan.
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