On Saturday as I was driving to the airport, I heard an NPR segment about a current military operation, and was struck by its name: ‘Operation: Iron Curtain.’ Struck, because, well if I were somehow in charge of the Mission Naming Convention, I wouldn’t use a phrase with connotations that draw to mind the Soviet occupation and dominion over Eastern Europe. Although, to be fair, said communism more than likely led to my eventually meeting Alex in 1994, and coincidentally only the second time in 4 years I was ever able to get past 2nd base (with another person).
And let’s face it, the Iron Curtain was a small price to pay for sex on a regular basis.
Okay, well that is neither here nor there (sort of like WMDs, huh? Get it? God, I suck at political humor). The point is that on the flight here to DC after the laptop battery died from 3 hours of Lord of the Rings, I had nothing to do, so I decided to come up with my own Mission Names that should probably never be used. I will be submitting these to the Department of Defense while I’m in town. Of course, since I’m shy and don’t actually KNOW anyone at the Pentagon, I figured the best way to deliver these is by stuffing them into a briefcase and running quickly to the front door and throwing it at the guards. I’m sure THEY’LL know where to deliver these wicked cool Mission Names (that should probably never be used).
13. Operation: Up Against AWOL
12. Operation: John M:16
11. Operation: Hearts and Mines
10. Operation: Alt+F4
9. Operation: Little Orphan Irani
8. Operation: Please Don’t Shoot Back
7. Operation: Habeas Corpses
6. Operation: Dear Abbey Ghraib
5. Operation: Uncertain Victory (Just barely over Operations: Stalemate and Quagmire)
4. Operation: Waterloo (Which just beat out Operations: Alamo, Little Bighorn and Dien Bien Phu)
3. Operation: UberMILF
2. Operation: Assault’n’Pepa!
1. Operation: Please Hammurabi Don’t Hurt’em
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