TekillaCon05

I fell in love again
All things go, all things go
Drove to Chicago
All things know, all things know
We sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

What if I’m so much less than they expect? What if I drink too much or say the wrong thing?

Oh, god. What if I have to go to the bathroom?

Fuck.

I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I don’t drink too much. Surprise!

But the day’s travel, not eating, and the Bloody Mary/Romanian wine/Vodka Bull turn my head into a World War I battle scene. The Second Battle of Ypres. The one where they used chlorine gas. Had we not been discussing our favorite mutual bloggers (Asia kept rising to the top of the list), I would have probably pierced my skull with an ice pick to relieve the pressure.

Jill and Jenny, I am still SOOOO sorry that first night was marred by what was almost certainly a brain stem tumor. I fought it. Hard. But I had to leave.

The saddest thing?

It was only 10:30.

Fuck.

But sometimes the stars I'm following
Well they don't shine so bright
And that's when I wish I was home with you
The trees they grow high
And the leaves they grow green
Hey me oh my, all the things that I have seen
Don't be surprised little bro
When the world turns out mean
Life is what happens in between

Amazingly, I got a second chance. Which explains why any casual onlooker would have heard the following, ad nauseam:

Brandon: I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jill: Don’t worry, you were fine.
Brandon (Slightly more feverishly): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jenny: Seriously, you were funny. It’s okay.
Brandon (See above): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jill/Jenny: Seriously. Dude.
Brandon (WTF): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.

On Saturday, Jill and Jenny invited me, my wife and her sister to join them on a boat tour of ChiTown and Jill informed me that no one actually refers to it as ChiTown.

I think they're gonna make you start over
You don't want to start over
Put your backpack on your shoulder
Be the good little soldier
Take your places now
'Cause we're all predisposed

Did you know that Oprah’s home is built on a pile of garbage?

You would, had you joined us at TekillaCon05. Think of what you’ll find out at TekillaCon06.

In fact, that’s this month’s contest. Identify the TekillaCon06 venue, and you, my friend, will be a winner.

But be careful around me. I hit no fewer than 12 people in the head with the 300 mm lens of my digital rebel. I’m soooooo sorry, gentle ChiTowners.

And when we debarked from the USS Wendella, it started to rain. And we all ran to RiteAid to buy umbrellas. And I think this is when Alex yelled at Jenny and Jill for buying the wrong umbrellas. So Jenny and Jill bought different umbrellas. And this is an important detail.

Just as we were about to go our Separate Ways, I looked at Alex and said, ‘Can I please not go shopping with you, please?’

And Jill and Jenny allowed me to tag along with them all day Saturday. And this is how the Journey started:

Brandon: I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jill: Don’t worry, you were fine.
Brandon (Slightly more feverishly): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jenny: Seriously, you were funny. It’s okay.
Brandon (See above): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.
Jill/Jenny: Seriously. Dude.
Brandon (WTF): I’m soooo glad I’m getting a second chance to redeem myself after last night.

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask
What I give to you is just what I'm going through

We headed out into the rain and lightning for the safety of open spaces atop iron bridges. Jenny’s umbrella, the one Alex forced her to buy, apparently had no middle, and through the laws of funnel physics, Jenny managed to become even more soaked than if she would have had no umbrella at all. But it didn’t matter, because Jill and I were in the same boat. Fortunately, it stopped raining. Just as we arrived at our destination.

Phen-Phen.

When we started both brokenhearted
Not believing
It could begin and end in one evening
When we parted
Moving on
And believing
It could begin and end in one evening

We were now in a bowling alley, with free alcohol being served by a woman who looked absolutely no different from Scarlett Johansson. And free pizza. And the whole place was blacklit. And you probably don’t believe me, because this sort of thing never happens to ordinary bloggers. But Jenny is extravagant. And Jill is my new desktop.

And then Jill told us two things that if told separately would seem unbelievable, but when told together made a lot of sense.

She said that until that moment in time, she had always bowled with her thumb, middle and INDEX finger.

And she told us that she once bowled a 12.

Oh I don’t really know where we are.
If things get real promise to take me somewhere else,
By the time fear takes me over will we still be rolling and feeling oblivion.
Once in a while the lie in the laughter can burn through a hole in my ears,
Like a man with glasses catching a sunbeam and burning the skin of a kid.

Soon after we left Phen-Phen, I needed to find a restroom. For the 89th time. Not ever. No, not the 89th time ever when with new people. But the 89th time that day. It was only 4. And having to go so badly, Jenny took us to Millenium Park to see what she described as a giant silver bean, but from what I could tell, dripping wet with the afternoon’s showers, it was a gigantically full bladder. It’s called Cloud Gate, I think. And I’ll always think of the whole affair as Waters Gate.

So we went to something she called the Crown Fountain, where video images of Giant ChiTowners pucker up and spit huge streams of water through their mouths onto tourists desperate to find a restroom. And every time the video screen showed the Giant ChiTowner pucker, I imagined what it must feel like to release 400 gallons onto the sidewalk, and I knew why the Giant ChiTowners smiled when they were finished. And part of me smiled. But not the part of me that is connected to my bladder. That part of me screamed out in agony. And when the onlookers stared at me, I realized that the part of me connected to my bladder is also the part of me connected to my mouth.

And we found respite at a bar. And I drank. And I smoked cigarettes. And I kept returning to the restroom in between glorious conversations about what inspires our writing. The other web sites we frequent. What we think and feel about comments. My insane tagging. And many other blogger related topics that were invariably cut short by my need to run to the restroom.

It was heaven.

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying

We ended the evening at some Faux-talian restaurant in Lincoln Park following what will surely go down as the greatest act of parallel parking I have ever witnessed. We hooked up with the Romanians and broke bread one final time, bringing TekillaCon05 to a sad close. I asked Alex if she would consider infecting both women with the gift of immortality, but she would have none of it since having more than one coffin to a room is tacky.

So we said our good-byes.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering…
If you are on my blogroll, we probably said at least one thing about you.
It was almost certainly something nice.

Songs by Sufjan Stevens, Joni Mitchell, Jude, Andrew Bird, Damien Rice, Feist, Turin Brakes, Elliott Smith

Epilogue – Jill, Jenny, this might not make a lot of sense now, but what I left with was more courage in my writing. More determination. It may not show up in these posts recognizably. But it’s there. Thanks. I seriously love both of you.

No, of course not, not in THAT kind of way. What I mean is that I love you in that real filthy kind of way that involves pillows and plastic swimming pools filled with jello.