X Words

21 Down
The ice floats at the back of the cup. I want the ice. I tip the glass towards my mouth and gulp water, trying to get at the ice, but it remains elusive. My mouth is completely full of iceless water. I turn the container in my hand, trying to bring the ice towards the front, but it always remains at the back. I reach in with my hand and pull out the ice.

37 Across
I’ve said something to chide her, and she’s crying. What I said wasn’t meant to abuse, but to motivate. Buck up, baby, it’s okay. Quiet, angry sobs. I admonish her, ‘Now you’re feeling sorry for yourself.’

‘I am sorry for myself!’

This catches me off guard. I’ve only ever known one response to this reproach, ‘I am NOT feeling sorry for myself!’ This is what my parents teach me. But that’s not what she says. And I don’t know how to respond.

‘Well, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself.’

‘Why not?’

‘I dunno. You just shouldn’t.’

And seeing her face, with fresh tears finding the creases in the lines beneath her eyes like oil, I suddenly feel sorry for both of us. She’s hurt, and I will feel sorry for myself. I did all the hurting.

‘I’m sorry.’

12 Down
‘I need help with a movie name.’

‘What are the clues?'

'Eight letters, first letter S, and the last letter is also S.’

‘What’s it about?’

‘Two guys, one is outgoing, good with the ladies, the other is introspective, wants to find love, but is awkward, and recently overcame a bad breakup to someone he loved.’

‘Is it set in California?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is there a golf scene?’

‘Yes.’

‘Does he get the girl in the end, but in sort of a vague, ‘leave-it-to-the-audience’s-imagination’ kind of way?’

‘Yes!’

‘Swingers.’

‘Actually, I think it’s Sideways.’

8 Across
The shadows along the road have a carbon quality. They seem drawn upon the pavement, black dust that blows away with the wind gusts from passing semis. In these moments, I wonder about how unfortunate she is to have lost him, how much taller and more beautiful and more sensitive he was. How unfortunate she must be to have wound up with me. I imagine them together, in some perfect union of youth, and wonder if she occasionally thinks of him when I kiss her. I want so much to best him in a struggle, but you cannot compete with a ghost. The ghost always wins.

61 Down
She looks at my driver’s license and laughs.

‘Why are you laughing?’

‘Why are you smiling?’

‘Don’t you smile for your photos?’

‘Not for identification pictures.’

‘I think everyone does in the States. I’m not sure if they’ll even give you a license if you don’t smile for the photo.’

‘Do you smile when you get questioned by the police?’

‘Fine. For my next driver’s license I’ll pose as though I were in the middle of a 12-hour interrogation. That’ll help me get out my next speeding ticket, for sure.’