To Cambridge

To: Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Julia Hough
Editor, Applied Linguistics

I am writing in order to petition for a word meaning change in your outstanding dictionary. The offending word is ‘religiously’. As you have it stated, ‘religiously’ has two meanings:

religiously
adverb
1 in ways or subjects relating to religion:
India is quite diverse, both politically and religiously.

2 INFORMAL If you do something religiously, you do it regularly:
He visits his mother religiously every week.

However, I think you might see the inherent contradiction this presents for me. To say that if I do something ‘religiously’ means I do it ‘regularly’ is laughable. I go to church maybe once a year, and usually just to drop my wife off while I search for a Hooters.

So here is the suggested change:

Religiously: to do rarely at all, if ever, while subsequently looking for the nearest Hooters.

Example:
Nameless Friend: Hey, Brandon, do you volunteer at the homeless shelter?

Brandon: Religiously.

Nameless Friend: Really? That rarely, huh?

Brandon: Hardly at all. But the last time I did, I found this great restaurant where all the waitresses wear offensively tight T-shirts and unnaturally dark hosiery. I'm thinking I should be a little less religious in my volunteerism.