Cultural Competency

I was watching my wife get into the shower, and for a moment, I recalled those days 10 years ago when the sight of even an inch of bare skin sent us both into violent heat and I thought to myself,

Thank god those days are over

I remember them as being the least productive of my life, mostly spent hosing myself down in the shower and recovering from sore joints and achy muscles. If we were still the way we were back then, we'd no doubt be living in a tent, squatting on federal park property, unemployed, aimless, sore and bow-legged.

But still, it amazes me that after this long she still covers herself when she changes or undresses.

A little help here people. Could someone please tell Alex that in America, married women consider it common practice to walk around completely naked when the kids are in school? And that when they change clothes, it is typically done in full view of the husband under a black light? Preferably atop the coffee table? And when they desire to be covered at all, it is usually in some sort of food item, like chocolate sauce or tequila? And that tupperware parties are now considered antiquated, and have since been replaced by passion parties? And that the husband is expected to inspect these parties from a distance in his bathrobe?

If I haven’t mentioned this before, my wife is foreign, and highly unfamiliar with our customs. You might, of course, think the fact that she doesn’t trust me on this after 10 years of marriage would be a point of contention, but we wouldn’t even have to go there if you’d just tell her already, dammit.

Your assistance in verifying my claims would be greatly appreciated.