Other Bloggers Are Real

I woke up this morning and vaguely remembered phone calls and emails. I had one of those drunken headaches that always causes me to ask, “Okay, what the hell did I say and/or do last night that could be used against me in a court of law?”

I vaguely remember being very nervous about meeting 5 other people for the first time, and stopping in the hotel bar and ordering a double tequila and bumming a cigarette before doing so. I vaguely remember crossing Dupont Circle to the CVS to buy a Red Bull. I vaguely remember walking to a restaurant. I vaguely remember meeting other human beings who know what a blogroll is.

I hazily recall showing my class by ordering a rum punch. I hazily recall betraying my lack of good taste in ordering a second. I distinctly remember displaying a complete disregard for common sense by ordering a whiskey sour.

I KNOW I drank at the next place we went, but I DON’T KNOW what exactly it is that I drank. I think it was a beer. I could be wrong. I hope it was just one. At least I ate food. But in the middle of the spinach enchilada the waiter said something to me, which in my head sounded like, ‘Nmmahn manha ammana,’ to which I nodded. He then proceeded to take my plate from me, with over half of my spinach enchilada still intact. Once he left and disappeared beyond the kitchen door, I vaguely remember thinking, ‘Stop him! You weren’t done, Brandon!’ I believe I remember looking down in my hand and seeing that I was still holding my fork. Not holding it like the proper way to eat, but in my fist like an infant eats. I don’t necessarily recall eating like an infant in a fork-in-clenched-fist manner.

I remember sitting in my hotel room at the end of the evening and thinking how impressive and talented those other bloggers are. I remember feeling my self esteem dip just a little, especially as how this week I have made an ass of myself on several occasions, brought on by excessive drinking, my need for attention combined with social anxiety. Everyone around me seems so constrained and mature. I’m 32 and am an absolute child.

I remember confessing to them that last week I had gotten completely hammered and started flaming other websites anonymously, only to be betrayed by my gravatar. I am a complete and utter ass-troll and I deserve to be de-linked from your blogroll and exposed as a fraud. I remember exposing my insecurities as a writer, my obsession with site statistics, content, my need to post every day and write for others as opposed to writing for myself. I remember realizing when I got home that I’m shallow.

I definitely remember referring to Iron and Wine as ‘them.’ I’m pretty sure I said other things that displayed my general idiocy (I’ve been saying this for awhile, and thankfully now have witnesses). I was on the verge of leaving a 90% tip before somebody clued me into this fact and handed me a couple of dollars. I have no idea what happened to this money between the time I left the restaurant and the time I think I remember getting to my hotel room. But I do know that there is a bar by the elevator.

I remember thinking, ‘I can’t wait to do this again.’

The other bloggers I met in DC are Kat, Supine, Jake and Aaron. I had a great time.