Me, Freshman Year: Cliff's Notes Version

Summary:
Like many lonely boys, Brandon has fallen for his best friend’s girl. And in a cruel twist of fate, she has fallen for him. The foreboding conversation that follows makes each of their lives uneasy. Unfulfilled trysts dot the hazy landscape. But no dawn will brighten anyone’s horizon until he and the girl have spoken. And even then, it’s iffy, at best.

Brandon: So what are we going to do?

Girl: (thinking aloud) Why are they always asking ME?

Brandon: What?

Girl: Nothing. Um, I don’t know. Blows bubble gum bubble, twists lock of hair around index finger. But we definitely can’t tell him.

Brandon: Right! Yes, we can’t do that. Even though you and I are meant to be together, and he wouldn’t even know if you were missing, we should keep quiet.

Girl: Well, I think he would know if I were missing…

Brandon: I’ve got it! I’ll have a sex change operation. That way, you and I can be best friends, and he won’t suspect that we’re really so much more.

Girl: Ahhh! That’s the sweetest gesture anyone’s ever made to me! Blows another bubble.

Brandon: Isn’t it, though?!

Girl: Uh, but how can we be so much more, you know, if you have so much less.

Brandon: Mmmm, good point. But I’m taking these French classes, you see, and it’s all about courtly love. Which is like true love, but without the hassle of intimacy.

Girl: The hassle of intimacy?

Brandon: Exactly! You must be taking Thayer’s 17th Century review, too!

Girl: Blows big annoyed bubble. Uh-huh.

Brandon: Besides, we can still be intimate. Lesbian sex is hot!

Girl: I hate to burst your bubble, but lesbian sex with a freshman castrate doesn’t meet my definition of hot.

Brandon: Oh. But it was a sweet gesture, right?

Girl: Now that I really think about it…

Commentary:
As with many post-pubescent writers, there tends to be an emphasis on mood. ‘Brandon’ serves to remind the reader of the desperation associated with forbidden love and the bizarre lengths to which the unsuccessful male suitor will go to both keep his libido intact and make everyone happy. ‘Girl,’ of course, is both a figurative and actual link between France and England in the 18th century.