I am Name

In one of our sessions today, the trainer led us into a classroom where every desk had a computer. The purpose of the session was to demonstrate how the internets can be used for fundraising, but somewhere in the middle of the lesson plan, the trainer said, ‘And for fun, how many of you have googled people you know?’

* insert sound effect of record scratching to a halt *

And then, at that critical point, I realize for the first time that now I have proof I’m an idiot.Why on earth have I used my real name? And my photo?

***

Alex walks into the bedroom, where we have moved my main computer since her mother moved in. I’m working on a chapter, so I don’t pay too much attention to her, but simply say, ‘Hey, sweetie.’

She doesn’t answer. I sense her sit down on the bed, but I keep typing, trying not to lose my train of thought. And for a few moments, I am oblivious to her presence, lost in my work, clicking away at the keyboard. But it soon becomes apparent that she is watching me, and has been ever since she sat down.

I finally look at her and see that she is, indeed, staring at me, not saying a word. She’s holding a dandelion. And she’s crying.

***

It is 1979 again. But this year ends on a hopeful note. I am sitting in the back row of the McGregor movie theater with Amy Fair. Only one of us watches the giant screen, mesmerized by the magic that used to be the motion picture. She is not watching the film, but is looking at me. She leans over the red velvet armrest and whispers into my ear, “I love you, Brandon Rogers.”